Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do u agree or disagree v.1

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that the government should have the responsibility. 1
Nowadays, in some countries, many children are applying a detrimental lifestyle, eventually, turned to overweight. Many people argue that this is the responsibility of the government. This essay will discuss why the government should not be responsible for this phenomenon. To begin with, instead of the government, the most influential people for children are their parents. A house is a place that children spend much time on it. Therefore, parents should be able to take the children's responsibility. For instance, parents can control their diet and enjoin the children that they should avoid junk diet. Also, parents can restrict their tuition to their children. Thus, they cannot buy meal carelessly. Rather than destitute children, parents should entice their children do some sports and make some of them join some competition. Moreover, the school is considered to be a student's second home. Children spent their half weekdays at school. In school, the one who kept the eyes of the student is the teacher. When children do not want to do some sports, teachers have to rebuke with them and encourage them to do some exercises. The principle also needs to be responsible because he controls the canteen and the teachers. The principle can make some rules that there is no instant food and try to extend their time to do the sport and injected them into the competition. In conclusion, the government does not participate in guarding children's lifestyles. However, parents and teachers need to pay their attention to the children and prevent them from unhealthy cooking and a bad lifestyle.
Nowadays, in
some
countries,
many
children
are applying a detrimental lifestyle,
eventually
, turned to overweight.
Many
people
argue that this is the responsibility of the
government
. This essay will discuss why the
government
should not be responsible for this phenomenon.

To
begin
with,
instead
of the
government
, the most influential
people
for
children
are their
parents
. A
house
is a place that
children
spend much time on it.
Therefore
,
parents
should be able to take the children's responsibility.
For instance
,
parents
can control their diet and enjoin the
children
that they should avoid junk diet.
Also
,
parents
can restrict their tuition to their
children
.
Thus
, they cannot
buy
meal
carelessly
.
Rather
than destitute
children
,
parents
should entice their
children
do
some
sports and
make
some
of them
join
some
competition.

Moreover
, the school
is considered
to be a student's second home.
Children
spent their half weekdays at school. In school, the one who
kept
the eyes of the student is the
teacher
. When
children
do not want to do
some
sports,
teachers
have to
rebuke with them and encourage them to do
some
exercises. The principle
also
needs to be responsible
because
he controls the canteen and the
teachers
. The principle can
make
some
rules
that there is no instant food and try to extend their time to do the sport and injected them into the competition.

In conclusion
, the
government
does not participate in guarding children's lifestyles.
However
,
parents
and
teachers
need to pay their attention to the
children
and
prevent
them from unhealthy cooking and a
bad
lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that the government should have the responsibility. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts