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in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. v.3

in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. v. 3
In the recent century, most people have a Quality life so they have more hope to be live. The average age of people that be alive is increasing. This essay will take to the advantages of life expectancy can have and also the disadvantages of that. However, the benefits seem to outweigh the drawbacks. The first aspect of life expectancy is economical. When people retire, they can’t work like young people. So the government confronts some problems. For example, the government should spend a lot of money for their health issue or as well as other facilities they need. However, the government and others can make use of the experiences of retirees and learn from them. To illustrate this, when a young person wants to be a doctor, he or she needs a professional teacher that has more experience. For instance, as a retired person in an academic way. The second impact is the social relationship. When life expectancy is increasing, means that the community has a lot of hope for activity and they are happy people. That society can improve in other categories such as an economical way. Another impact is when grandparents are live, they save families to get together. Save the families have some positive aspect of society like young children less use drug and other stuff bad things. Summery, considering the points discussed above, the average period that a person may expect to live is increasing in some countries. Both sides of this issue considered, however, the advantages seem to be more drawbacks. I think it is more important that increase hope in the society.
In the recent century, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a Quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have more hope to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The average age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that be alive is increasing. This essay will take to the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy can have and
also
the disadvantages of that.
However
, the benefits seem to outweigh the drawbacks.

The
first
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is economical. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
retire, they can’t work like young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
confronts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for their health issue or
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities they need.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the experiences of retirees and learn from them. To illustrate this, when a young person wants to be a doctor, he or she needs a professional teacher that has more experience.
For instance
, as a retired person
Consider replacing "in an academic way" with the adverb for "academic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an academic way
.

The second impact is the social relationship. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is increasing, means that the community has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hope for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activity and
they are happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. That society can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
categories such as an economical way. Another impact is when grandparents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, they save families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together. Save the families have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of society like young children less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drug and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
stuff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.

Summery, considering the points discussed above, the average period that a person may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. Both sides of this issue considered,
however
, the advantages seem to be more drawbacks. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that increase hope in the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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