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In many countries, a few people earn very high salaries. Some people think that this is a positive thing for the country. Other people believe that governments should not allow salaries to be over a certain level. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. v.2

In many countries, a few people earn very high salaries. Some people think that this is a positive thing for the country. Other people believe that governments should not allow salaries to be over a certain level. v. 2
In this world of globalization, some people are able to earn the higher amount of salary by their ceaseless efforts. A portion of the society thinks that, earning a huge amount of money by a few persons, make the country's economy stronger, whereas, others argue that, salaries should be limited by the government. This essay is an attempt to discuss both views and gives its own opinion at the end. On the one hand, celebrities and businessmen, who earn a lot of money, pay a very high tax to the government, which is definitely a good indication, for the country's economy. Additionally, these people are able to get the foreign currency in their home countries, which certainly, helpful to raise a fund of the home country. For example, it is revealed by the study that, as there are many branches of the reliance company, around the globe, the billionaire and the owner of the company, Mukesh Ambani, contributes the highest value in the country's economy in the last year. On the other hand, people, who believe that, the maximum limit of salary should be limited by an authority, has their own reasons, such as the poverty and the starvation are still the worst enemies of the mankind. The people think that, governments should help the majority of the needy people, instead of giving a high salary to a few persons. For instance, a study by the local newspaper, has shown that, it can be survived around thousands of people by providing them the basic needs just by having the fifty percent cut in celebrities' salaries. To conclude, successful people gain success in their lives by their relentless efforts. Therefore, they deserve a higher amount of salaries. As, eventually, it is certainly beneficial to the country, I think, the government should not interfere in restricting any body's salary.
In this world of globalization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to earn the higher amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
by their ceaseless efforts. A portion of the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that, earning a huge amount of money by a few persons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country's economy stronger, whereas, others argue that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
should
be limited
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. This essay is an attempt to discuss both views and gives its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, celebrities and businessmen, who earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, pay a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high tax to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, which is definitely a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
indication, for the country's economy.
Additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the foreign currency in their home countries, which
certainly
, helpful to raise a fund of the home country.
For example
, it
is revealed
by the study that, as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
branches of the reliance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, around the globe, the billionaire and the owner of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, Mukesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
, contributes the highest value in the country's economy in the last year.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who believe that, the maximum limit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should
be limited
by an authority, has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons, such as the poverty and the starvation are
still
the worst enemies of the mankind. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the majority of the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
instead
of giving a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to a few persons.
For instance
, a study by the local newspaper, has shown that, it can
be survived
around thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing them the basic needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by having the fifty percent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
in celebrities' salaries.

To conclude
, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain success in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by their relentless efforts.
Therefore
, they deserve a higher amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. As,
eventually
, it is
certainly
beneficial to the country, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not interfere in restricting
Did you mean "anybody"?
any body
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay In many countries, a few people earn very high salaries. Some people think that this is a positive thing for the country. Other people believe that governments should not allow salaries to be over a certain level. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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