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It is more important to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness rather than spending it on the treatment of people who are already ill. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion. v.1

It is more important to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness rather than spending it on the treatment of people who are already ill. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion. v. 1
Public funds should be spent and encouraged to influence good standard of living so as to avoid sickness as opposed making provisions for those who are ill. In my opinion, I consider that public expenditure allocated to foster healthy living to curb illness has more drawbacks when taken into account. It benefits such as a reduction in the cost of research and development and increased productivity cannot be overlooked. One major benefit of investing public expenses to administer for a better lifestyle and reduce sickness is a reduction in the cost of research and development. In other words, when public funds are pulled to sensitize the economy on ways to stay healthy and live a better life, this will result to a low rate of sickness in the society and thus, there would not be a need to invest much on the causes and solutions of any type of disease. In addition, the productivity of the populace will be at a high peak. This is due to the fact that, the numbers of people with illness will be significantly lower, because of the practises of living a healthier life. For example, in Indonesia the most common class of food consumed by the citizens are vegetables and whole grain foods. This has led to the increase in the life span of the country compared to other nations. On the other hand, government's expenditure focused only to keep people active and ignoring the sick will amount to a greater issue which I agree. In other words, lack of concentration and concern of the people who are not physically fit can lead to more complicated issues. For example, the Ebola outbreak witnessed by Nigerians in 2017 would have been an epidemic issue, if the full focus and attention of the government was not directed to the affected individuals. Furthermore, a growing amount of unfit people left unattended will affect the development and growth rate of a country. Additionally, lesser individuals will be available to carry on with their daily tasks and activity, which will indirectly affect the output rate and revenue of such nation. To conclude, while spending public resources to increase healthy living to result in the reduction of ailments is beneficial, epidemic outbreak and low productivity output are major demerits of ignoring the sick.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
funds should
be spent
and encouraged to influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid sickness as opposed making provisions for those who are ill. In my opinion, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
expenditure allocated to foster healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
to curb illness has more drawbacks when taken into account. It benefits such as a reduction in the cost of research and development and increased productivity cannot
be overlooked
.

One major benefit of investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
expenses to administer for a better lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
sickness is a reduction in the cost of research and development. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
funds
are pulled
to sensitize the economy on ways to stay healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life, this will result to a low rate of sickness in the society and
thus
, there would not be a need to invest much on the causes and solutions of any type of disease.
In addition
, the productivity of the populace will be at a high peak.
This is due to the fact that
, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with illness will be
significantly
lower,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a healthier life.
For example
, in Indonesia the most common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of food consumed by the citizens are vegetables and whole grain foods. This has led to the increase in the life span of the country compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's expenditure focused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
active and ignoring the sick will amount to a greater issue which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, lack of concentration and concern of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not
physically
fit can lead to more complicated issues.
For example
, the Ebola outbreak witnessed by Nigerians in 2017 would have been an epidemic issue, if the full focus and attention of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
was not directed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
individuals.
Furthermore
, a growing amount of unfit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended will affect the development and growth rate of a country.
Additionally
, lesser individuals will be available to carry on with their daily tasks and activity, which will
indirectly
affect the output rate and revenue of such nation.

To conclude
, while spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
resources to increase healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
to result in the reduction of ailments is beneficial, epidemic outbreak and low productivity output are major demerits of ignoring the sick.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness rather than spending it on the treatment of people who are already ill. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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