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In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
There is an opinion that capital punishment should be ordered those who are committing serious offences. I totally disagree with this viewpoint as not all convict committ deliquency in the same circumstance and this point required to be taken into account before finalizing any verdict. Although every conviction is punishable before the law, the penalties should be differentiated based on certain factors. Firstly, what was the triggering incident of actual crime would answer why that particular person involved in an unlawful act. To illustrate, there are many people who have offended in order to safeguard themselves from some dangers, when they perceive threats to their life. Therefore, circumstantial evidences to be collected and verified by responsible authorities to ensure a fair judgement Yet another reason why activists argue to stop the death penalty is that the act of killing is repeating, when punishing a criminal. Having punished in this manner, rarely achieve the actual intention of this punishment as this spreads a wrong message to public that the killing is a kind of preventive measure, which is accepted by the society. By contrast, it will be more productive, if convicts are rehabilitated and make them understand the mistakes they have done; eventually, they would become turn into a socially accepted person, who will assist both police and people in maintaining law and order in the society. In conclusion, even though people have different consideration whether capital punishment is the best method to curb crimes in the society, I, personally, again reaffirm that this type of treatment may not reduce the crime rate. Besides this, it is predicted that offenders be counselled to reduce the chances of future crime by this.
There is an opinion that capital punishment should
be ordered
those who are committing serious
offences
. I
totally
disagree with this viewpoint as not all convict
committ
deliquency
in the same circumstance and this point required to
be taken
into account
before
finalizing any verdict.

Although every conviction is punishable
before
the law, the penalties should
be differentiated
based on certain factors.
Firstly
, what was the triggering incident of actual
crime
would answer why that particular person involved in an unlawful act. To illustrate, there are
many
people
who have offended in order to safeguard themselves from
some
dangers
, when they perceive threats to their life.
Therefore
, circumstantial evidences to
be collected
and verified by responsible authorities to ensure a
fair
judgement

Yet
another reason why activists argue to
stop
the death penalty is that the act of killing is repeating, when punishing a criminal. Having punished in this manner, rarely achieve the actual intention of this punishment as this spreads a
wrong
message to public that the
killing


is
a kind of preventive measure, which is
accepted
by the society. By contrast, it will be more productive, if convicts
are rehabilitated
and
make
them understand the mistakes they have done;
eventually
, they would become turn into a
socially
accepted
person, who will assist both police and
people
in maintaining law and order in the society.

In conclusion
,
even though
people
have
different
consideration whether capital punishment is the best method to curb
crimes
in the society, I,
personally
, again reaffirm that this type of treatment may not
reduce
the
crime
rate.
Besides
this, it
is predicted
that offenders
be counselled
to
reduce
the chances of future
crime
by this.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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