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In many cities today, most people live in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accomodation have more advantages or disadvantages? v.1

In many cities today, most people live in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accomodation have more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1
The population is increasing day by day, which means that people need a large land for building houses and flat. Nowadays, people prefer to stay in large apartment blocks rather than in houses. However, there are some advantages and disadvantages of living in an apartment. The most general advantage people get from living in an apartment is the easy access to go anywhere especially in the middle of town. Therefore people will easily find public transportation for them to go to their work, school, and else. Besides that, people who live in apartment will also get service from the apartment staff where people can feel more pleasant. This can be the reason why people want to live in flat compare to live in a house. However, there are some disadvantages of living in a flat. As we know already that by choosing to live in, there will take some risks. First, the space provided and outdoor space can be said small. Considering that, not all family can feel comfortable. In fact, it can affect some of the family members' health. Second, as we can see, people there don't have much interaction with their neighbours. They spend their time more at their own room. The third is the resident have to follow the rules. So, we are not allowed to do several things in our apartment. The worst disadvantage we know is the high risk when dangerous incidents happen. For example, when earthquake suddenly happens, it is impossible to get out as fast from our apartment to the outdoors. We can see that by living in an apartment we have to be ready to face some occurrence that can endanger our lives. In my opinion, you can feel more satisfied by living in the apartment from the easy accessibility until the service you can get. Although, it is known that living in an apartment will take high risk to our lives which has more disadvantages than the advantages.
The population is increasing day by day, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need a large land for building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and flat. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
blocks
rather
than in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an apartment.

The most general advantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
is the easy access to go anywhere
especially
in the middle of town.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
easily
find public transportation for them to go to their work, school, and else.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
service from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
staff where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can feel more pleasant. This can be the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in flat compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a flat. As we know already that by choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in, there will take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
First
, the space provided and outdoor space can
be said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
. Considering that, not all family can feel comfortable. In fact, it can affect
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
family members' health. Second, as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there don't have much interaction with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. They spend their time more at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
room. The third is the resident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do several things in our apartment.

The worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
we know is the high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
incidents happen.
For example
, when earthquake
suddenly
happens, it is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
to the outdoors. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be ready to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occurrence that can endanger our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my opinion, you can feel more satisfied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
from the easy accessibility until the service you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it
is known
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
will take high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
which has more disadvantages than the advantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many cities today, most people live in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accomodation have more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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