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Describe a person that you would like to be similar to. Please say- Who is that person? - What is he/she doing? - Why would you like to be similar to him/her? v.1

Describe a person that you would like to be similar to. Please say- Who is that person? - What is he/she doing? - Why would you like to be similar to him/her? v. 1
In the human history of civilization, some inhabitants had attempted to develop a perfect society in vain. There are many causes for their failures and the essay will list some of them and some advises to establish a great one. To begin with, an ideal society must feature many essential elements. Firstly, it definitely provides a peaceful living environment for its inhabitants with the low crime rate, zero-level pollution and harmonious atmosphere. Besides, it also provide stable income resources for its citizens there without suffering from poverty and its well-developed economic sectors may guarantee its high GDP and the high quality of daily life there. Last but not the least, a universal health care, a well-established education system and a well-organized traffic transport are all basic factors for building up an ideal community or nation. For example, Canada is one of the best countries in the world due to its profound natural resources, universal health care and well-established welfare system which make it belong to one of the 10 top countries on Earth. How to establish a perfect community has been an issue for many peoples, especially scholars worldwide. I personally believe it is impossible to establish one; however, people are able to build up one close to the perfect ones. Firstly, it is necessary for governments worldwide to provide free education for local citizens, especially the youth. Literate residents tend to be more responsible for their societies and battle with illegal issues such as criminal behaviour. Establishing and developing the health care system will enhance habitants to stay healthy and live in a happy life. Finally, convey the sense of being responsible to protect the environment from being polluted to citizens also contribute to building an ideal society. In conclusion, establishing an ideal society has been a goal for many people who may have attempted to carry out their plans with failure outcomes. Although it is difficult and impossible to establish an ideal one, striking to seek a stable and peaceful one with the above features will contribute to human civilization.
In the human history of civilization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inhabitants had attempted to develop a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in vain. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes for their failures and the essay will list
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advises to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
establish
a great one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
feature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential elements.
Firstly
, it definitely provides a peaceful living environment for its inhabitants with the low crime rate, zero-level pollution and harmonious atmosphere.
Besides
, it
also
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
stable income resources for its citizens there without suffering from poverty and its well-developed economic sectors may guarantee its high GDP and the high quality of daily life there. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, a universal health care, a well-established education system and a well-organized traffic transport are all basic factors for building up an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
community or nation.
For example
, Canada is one of the best countries in the world due to its profound natural resources, universal health care and well-established welfare system which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it belong to one of the 10 top countries on Earth.

How to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
establish
a perfect community has been an issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
peoples,
especially
scholars worldwide. I
personally
believe it is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
establish
one;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to build up one close to the perfect ones.
Firstly
, it is necessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
worldwide to provide free education for local citizens,
especially
the youth. Literate residents tend to be more responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and battle with illegal issues such as criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Establishing and developing the health care system will enhance habitants to stay healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a happy life.
Finally
, convey the sense of being responsible to protect the environment from
being polluted
to citizens
also
contribute to building an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
society.

In conclusion
, establishing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has been a goal for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who may have attempted to carry out their plans with failure outcomes. Although it is difficult and impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
establish
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
one, striking to seek a stable and peaceful one with the above features will contribute to human civilization.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a person that you would like to be similar to. Please say- Who is that person? - What is he/she doing? - Why would you like to be similar to him/her? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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