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In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
Today, many city developers always try to consider each part of the city for individual purpose. While some locations might be appropriate for education, the other one can be suitable to be residential areas. I personally agree with this method, although it might have had some drawbacks. On the one hand, considering this plan by the city planners can have some negative consequences. One is that it can enhance traffic congestion inside of cities. For instance, those students living in peripheral areas have to travel several kilometres each day to reach their school, being mainly constructed in the central of cities; therefore, the number of commuters may escalate dramatically. Another reason behind it is that people living in rural areas have less access to appropriate facilities. For example, if they like to purchase furniture for their home, they cannot find them in the small retailers near their home. They have to spend hundreds of dollars for their transportation, while dwellers living in sprawling cities have a better access to these items. On the other hand, having this plan in urban areas, I believe that it will avoid overpopulation in specific locations. One important factor is that the more factories are moved to suburb areas, the more workers prefer to live near them, instead of living in the central of cities. In particular, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, had not the government permitted large companies to have a function in the centre, more citizens would have moved to live in the countryside, leading them to faceless the overpopulation problems. Furthermore, it can decrease the level of pollution in cities. Obviously, the more shops or offices operate in cities, the more they pollute the environment. As a result, in many countries, governments have considered specific regions for these markets. In this case, in Vancouver, the government of BC has considered a huge place for shops near the airport, which is located outside of the metropolitan zone. This will reduce the pollution caused by these businesses far significantly. In conclusion, although some may agree that each region should not be allocated for specific purposes, I completely agree with it. This not only can reduce the density of population but the amount of pollution in the central areas of urban.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
city developers always try to consider each part of the city for individual purpose. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
locations might be appropriate for education, the other one can be suitable to be residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this method, although it might have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand, considering this plan by the city planners can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. One is that it can enhance traffic congestion inside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
For instance
, those students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in peripheral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel several
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
each day to reach their school, being
mainly
constructed in the central of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
;
therefore
, the number of commuters may escalate
dramatically
. Another reason behind it is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have less access to appropriate facilities.
For example
, if they like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
furniture for their home, they cannot find them in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
retailers near their home. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend hundreds of dollars for their transportation, while dwellers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in sprawling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have a better access to these items.

On the other hand
, having this plan in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, I believe that it will avoid overpopulation in specific locations. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is that the more factories are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to suburb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, the more workers prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near them,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the central of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
In particular
, in Tehran, the capital city of Iran, had not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
permitted large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to have a function in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, more citizens would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside, leading them to faceless the overpopulation problems.
Furthermore
, it can decrease the level of pollution in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
Obviously
, the more shops or offices operate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the more they pollute the environment.
As a result
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have considered specific regions for these markets.
In this case
, in Vancouver, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of BC has considered a huge place for shops near the airport, which
is located
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the metropolitan zone. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollution caused by these businesses far
significantly
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that each region should not
be allocated
for specific purposes, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the density of population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the amount of pollution in the central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of urban.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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