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In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is worth considering whether separate areas for individual purposes. While many planners would like to arrange educational institutions and entertainment venues independently. I personally agree with this idea. To begin with, following this idea can bring many drawbacks. It can be inconvenient for the students who live in the suburbs to reach their schools every day and have less access to the center of the city as they may have to transfer many stations and buses or even travel several kilometers. For instance, new dwellers find it difficult to purchase furniture. If schools and corporations are built in the same area, it is more likely to cause road congestion on the main roads. Increased use of cars will emit harmful gases and aggravate the greenhouse effect. However, having this plan in urban cities, it can control the population. I believe that many families would choose to live near the schools or their companies. Moreover, this suggestion also encourages more and more firms to move to the suburbs which leads to a decrease in pollution in the cities and an increase in employment rate. Besides, arranging shops in specific areas such as suburbs can make the lives in suburbs easier as well as they can get anything they want more expediently. Furthermore, the center of cities have more space for stunning natural landscape. In conclusion, although it can bring disadvantages in some respects, I completely agree with it. However, there is still a long way to develop this scheme.
It is worth considering whether separate areas for individual purposes. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
planners would like to arrange educational institutions and entertainment venues
independently
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, following this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. It can be inconvenient for the students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suburbs
to reach their schools every day and have less access to the center of the city as they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
transfer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stations and buses or even travel several kilometers.
For instance
, new dwellers find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
furniture. If schools and corporations
are built
in the same area, it is more likely to cause road congestion on the main roads. Increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cars will emit harmful gases and aggravate the greenhouse effect.

However
, having this plan in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, it can control the population. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families would choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near the schools or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Moreover
, this suggestion
also
encourages more and more firms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suburbs
which leads to a decrease in pollution in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and an increase in employment rate.
Besides
, arranging shops in specific areas such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suburbs
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suburbs
easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything they want more
expediently
.
Furthermore
, the center of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
Possible agreement error
have
more space for stunning natural landscape.

In conclusion
, although it can bring disadvantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
respects, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.
However
, there is
still
a long way to develop this scheme.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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