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In manny countries, the proportion of older people is increasing. Could this have a negative or positive impact on society? v.1

In manny countries, the proportion of older people is increasing. Could this have a negative or positive impact on society? v. 1
Recent studies show that the number of old aged people compared to youth, have been increasing across many nations. Many are of the opinion that it is beneficial to the society while others think that a surge in the proportion of old age people is a setback for the growth of the society. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of having a larger amount of elders in society. To begin with, a section of people thinks that having older people helps in building a strong character of the society. In other words, young people would imbibe great values from elders and remain close to their culture. Moreover, a larger section of society would always be satisfied and content in life. As a result, the crime rate would decrease. Thus, old age people bring stability to the community. However, there is a plethora of advantages a greater number of youth in the society facilitates. First, young people are full of ideas and prospectives. This has led to elimination of myths already existing in religions and widened the mindset of individuals. In addition, young blood is keen technology users. This helps society remain up-to-date with the technological advancements. For example, young ones easily operate computers and cell phones, whilst, old ones. Indeed, youngsters curb orthodox thinking pre-existing in cultures and help in the overall growth of the neighbourhood. In conclusion, although elders keep individuals close to their roots, youngsters on the other hand, aid in the development process. Hence, it is clear that a right proportion of all the age groups are needed for the proper functioning of any society.
Recent studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compared to youth, have been increasing across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are of the opinion that it is beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a surge in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a setback for the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of having a larger amount of elders in society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that having older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
helps
in building a strong character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would imbibe great values from elders and remain close to their culture.
Moreover
, a larger section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would always
be satisfied
and content in life.
As a result
, the crime rate would decrease.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bring stability to the community.

However
, there is a plethora of advantages a greater number of youth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
facilitates.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
. This has led to elimination of myths already existing in religions and widened the mindset of individuals.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
blood is keen technology users. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
remain up-to-date with the technological advancements.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones
easily
operate computers and cell phones, whilst,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones.
Indeed
, youngsters curb orthodox thinking pre-existing in cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
overall
growth of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.

In conclusion
, although elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
individuals close to their roots, youngsters
on the other hand
, aid in the development process.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a right proportion of all the age groups
are needed
for the proper functioning of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In manny countries, the proportion of older people is increasing. Could this have a negative or positive impact on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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