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In earlier days, clothes used to be as per culture, now clothes are more similar around the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

In earlier days, clothes used to be as per culture, now clothes are more similar around the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Clothes used to represent traditions in earlier times, while people, nowadays, wear increasingly same kinds of outfits throughout the world. This essay thinks that this is a positive development because the chances of discrimination against cultures would be minimized, and clothing industries would be benifited. To begin with, similar-looking clothing helps people to avoid humiliation against their tradition from certain groups or individuals. This is to say that, some people bully or discriminate against others who wear typical cultural outfits outside of their country. By wearing similar-looking outfits as everyone around would stop those who humiliate them. For example, native American people were discriminated against in public vehicles when they used to wear their own traditional clothes in the 1960s, but it was dramatically stopped when they start to wear similar outfits as other Americans afterward. Apart from that, clothes that do not represent any tradition but solely designed to address people’s needs and follow fashion support the clothing industries. This means clothes of different designs and brands could be sold around the world if people wear similar kinds of garments that help the garment industries to bloom. For instance, a study conducted by the BBC revealed that China alone supplies 70% of the world’s clothing demand in the world. In conclusion, people in the world today wear more similar clothes, whereas, people in the past used to wear outfits as per their culture. I believe that this is a positive development because this helps people to avoid getting humiliated because of their cultural clothing, and this supports the clothing industries in the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to represent traditions in earlier times, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
increasingly
same kinds of outfits throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the chances of discrimination against cultures would
be minimized
, and clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifited
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, similar-looking clothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid humiliation against their tradition from certain groups or individuals. This is to say that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bully or discriminate against others who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
typical cultural outfits
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their country. By wearing similar-looking outfits as everyone around would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
those who humiliate them.
For example
, native American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were discriminated
against in public vehicles when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
in the 1960s,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
similar outfits as other Americans afterward.

Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
that do not represent any tradition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
solely
designed to address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
needs and follow fashion support the clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
designs and brands could
be sold
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
similar kinds of garments that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the garment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to bloom.
For instance
, a study conducted by the BBC revealed that China alone supplies 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
clothing demand in the world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
more similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
outfits as per their culture. I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid getting humiliated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their cultural clothing, and this supports the clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay In earlier days, clothes used to be as per culture, now clothes are more similar around the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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