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In earlier days, clothes used to be as per culture, now clothes are more similar around the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

In earlier days, clothes used to be as per culture, now clothes are more similar around the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Clothes used to represent traditions in earlier times, while people, nowadays, wear increasingly same kinds of outfits throughout the world. This essay thinks that this is a positive development because the chances of discrimination against cultures would be minimized, and clothing industries would be benifited. To begin with, similar-looking clothing helps people to avoid humiliation against their tradition from certain groups or individuals. This is to say that, some people bully or discriminate against others who wear typical cultural outfits outside of their country. By wearing similar-looking outfits as everyone around would stop those who humiliate them. For example, native American people were discriminated against in public vehicles when they used to wear their own traditional clothes in the 1960s, but it was dramatically stopped when they start to wear similar outfits as other Americans afterward. Apart from that, clothes that do not represent any tradition but solely designed to address people’s needs and follow fashion support the clothing industries. This means clothes of different designs and brands could be sold around the world if people wear similar kinds of garments that help the garment industries to bloom. For instance, a study conducted by the BBC revealed that China alone supplies 70% of the world’s clothing demand in the world. In conclusion, people in the world today wear more similar clothes, whereas, people in the past used to wear outfits as per their culture. I believe that this is a positive development because this helps people to avoid getting humiliated because of their cultural clothing, and this supports the clothing industries in the world.
Clothes
used
to represent traditions in earlier times, while
people
, nowadays,
wear
increasingly
same kinds of outfits throughout the
world
. This essay
thinks
that this is a
positive
development
because
the chances of discrimination against cultures would
be minimized
, and clothing
industries
would be
benifited
.

To
begin
with, similar-looking clothing
helps
people
to avoid humiliation against their tradition from certain groups or individuals. This is to say that,
some
people
bully or discriminate against others who
wear
typical cultural outfits
outside of
their country. By wearing similar-looking outfits as everyone around would
stop
those who humiliate them.
For example
, native American
people
were discriminated
against in public vehicles when they
used
to
wear
their
own
traditional
clothes
in the 1960s,
but
it was
dramatically
stopped
when they
start
to
wear
similar outfits as other Americans afterward.

Apart from that,
clothes
that do not represent any tradition
but
solely
designed to address
people’s
needs and follow fashion support the clothing
industries
. This means
clothes
of
different
designs and brands could
be sold
around the
world
if
people
wear
similar kinds of garments that
help
the garment
industries
to bloom.
For instance
, a study conducted by the BBC revealed that China alone supplies 70% of the
world’s
clothing demand in the world.

In conclusion
,
people
in the
world
today
wear
more similar
clothes
, whereas,
people
in the past
used
to
wear
outfits as per their culture. I believe that this is a
positive
development
because
this
helps
people
to avoid getting humiliated
because
of their cultural clothing, and this supports the clothing
industries
in the
world
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In earlier days, clothes used to be as per culture, now clothes are more similar around the world. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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