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some people think that children should be taught to be competitive at school. others, however say that cooperation and teamworking skills are more important. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

some people think that children should be taught to be competitive at school. others, however say that cooperation and teamworking skills are more important. 1
It is often thought that schools ought to teach children to be competitive, while other people feel that the emphasis should be on cooperation. In my opinion, cooperation and teamwork teach children important skills that help throughout their life. Several people believe that working as a team helps children develop their interpersonal skills and I agree. Such skills benefit children, as they will have to engage with others during their education, work or in general society and it gives children the confidence to deal with people. Teamwork also helps children understand that each person has strengths and weaknesses and teaches them to leverage each other's strengths while working as a group. Several studies by Harvard University have found out that students with team working skills are more successful at work, as they know how to deliver as a group. On the other hand, a section of society believes that competitiveness is an important skill that needs to be inculcated in school. Competition motivates students to perform better and score higher marks. This drive also helps students to achieve success both in tertiary education as well as in the job market. Statistics have found that children with competitive skills are more successful in getting university degrees and have higher chances of landing well paid employment early on in their career. In conclusion, while competition benefits children early on in their lives, I believe cooperation and teamwork skills help children grow and sustain in the long run.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that schools ought to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be competitive, while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that the emphasis should be on cooperation. In my opinion, cooperation and teamwork teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
throughout their life.

Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that working as a team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop their interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
engage with others during their education, work or
in general
society and it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the confidence to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Teamwork
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand that each person has strengths and weaknesses and teaches them to leverage each other's strengths while working as a group. Several studies by Harvard University have found out that students with team working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are more successful at work, as they know how to deliver as a group.

On the other hand
, a section of society believes that competitiveness is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that needs to
be inculcated
in school. Competition motivates students to perform better and score higher marks. This drive
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
students to achieve success both in tertiary education
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
in the job market. Statistics have found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are more successful in getting university degrees and have higher chances of landing well paid employment early on in their career.

In conclusion
, while competition benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
early on in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I believe cooperation and teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow and sustain in the long run.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that children should be taught to be competitive at school. others, however say that cooperation and teamworking skills are more important. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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