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In developing countries, children in rural comunities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and In v.1

In developing countries, children in rural comunities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and In v. 1
In developing countries, there is limtation in education in rural area. Many solutions have been proposed to put and end to this issue. While there are arguements for providing the area with computers and Internet access, I am keen on the suggestion of more schools and teachers. On the one hand, computers and Internet access is beneficial in various ways. First of all, they are accessible application. Instead of travelling to school in a distance, children can now study by themselves at home with the assistance from the lessons on computers. In addition, the use of computers and online lessons save time for children to do other task. Secondly, using computers and Internet requires IT skills. Maintaining IT skills will help the children in rural area in finding their job, and furthermore, help their career prospects. On the other hand, children who live in rural area are encouraged to go to school as the result of different reason. Schools provide children with interactive enviroment. At class, children not only acknowledge themselves but also have to compete with other pupils in the class. In addition, they can exchange their opinion with their teachers in order to understand the lesson deeper as well as ask for help while they are studying. Schools and teachers also teach the children basic skills and guidance, which neither computers nor the Internet can do. Nowadays, there is a wide range of studying documents on the Internet which can be easily found. Without any guidance, students can get lost while using those documents. In conclusion, computers and Internet benefit children in rural area, but the need of reality guidance from schools and teachers keep playing an important role
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, there is
Possible spelling mistake found.
limtation
in education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
solutions have
been proposed
to put and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to this issue. While there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguements
for providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
with computers and Internet access, I am keen on the suggestion of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers.

On the one hand, computers and Internet access is beneficial in various ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they are accessible application.
Instead
of travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in a distance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
study by themselves at home with the assistance from the lessons on computers.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and online lessons save time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do other task.
Secondly
, using computers and Internet requires IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Maintaining IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in finding their job, and
furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their career prospects.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
are encouraged
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as the result of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reason.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with interactive
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
. At
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acknowledge themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with other pupils in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
In addition
, they can exchange their opinion with their teachers in order to understand the lesson deeper
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
while they are studying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and teachers
also
teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and guidance, which neither computers nor the Internet can do. Nowadays, there is a wide range of studying documents on the Internet which can be
easily
found. Without any guidance, students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost while using those documents.

In conclusion
, computers and Internet benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the need of reality guidance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
playing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In developing countries, children in rural comunities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and In v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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