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In current society many people are struggling with obesity What is the main cause of this What are the effects v.2

In current society many people are struggling with obesity What is the main cause of this What are the effects v. 2
In many countries all over the world today, there are many people who are extremely overweight. This essay will firstly discuss the main reasons that this is happening and secondly look at the effects this is having on individuals and society. Firstly, obesity is caused by many factors in modern society, including the easy availability of unhealthy food. When a bad diet is matched with a sedentary lifestyle, weight gain is inevitable, since eating large portions of food that is mainly processed, high in salt, sugar and filled with chemicals, the body gains weight fast. For example, a documentary by Channel 4 in 2016 showed that the most obese populations were situated in underdeveloped nations, like Venezuela, where people admitted to finding it difficult to eat a balanced and healthy diet and had no nutritional education. Secondly, the effect that immense weight gain can have on a person, is that they will likely develop health issues, like diabetes or heart disease. As the body becomes larger, the metabolism slows down, so that the body is more likely to get a chronic illness. This is impacting on health services around the world, as hospitals are seeing an increased demand to care for obese patients. For instance, The NHS in the UK has admitted to spending around 16 billion per year on obese related diseases like diabetes. UK newspaper The Telegraph reported in 2016 that more money is spent on treating obesity in the UK than on staffing the police force and fire service. In conclusion, obesity is being caused by easily available calorie-rich processed food and little exercise. The effects of this are impacting individuals health as well as the cost of national healthcare services. In order for obesity to be lessened, individuals should be educated about nutrition, furthermore, the governments should implement higher taxes on all junk food and sugar.
In
many
countries all over the world
today
, there are
many
people
who are
extremely
overweight. This essay will
firstly
discuss the main reasons that this is happening and
secondly
look at the effects this is having on individuals and society.

Firstly
, obesity
is caused
by
many
factors in modern society, including the easy availability of unhealthy
food
. When a
bad
diet
is matched
with a sedentary lifestyle, weight gain is inevitable, since eating large portions of
food
that is
mainly
processed, high in salt, sugar and filled with chemicals, the body gains weight
fast
.
For example
, a documentary by Channel 4 in 2016
showed
that the most obese populations
were situated
in underdeveloped nations, like Venezuela, where
people
admitted to finding it difficult to eat a balanced and healthy diet and had no nutritional education.

Secondly
, the effect that immense weight gain can have on a person, is that they will likely develop health issues, like diabetes or heart disease. As the body becomes larger, the metabolism slows down,
so
that the body is more likely to
get
a chronic illness. This is impacting on health services around the world, as hospitals are seeing an increased demand to care for obese patients.
For instance
, The NHS in the UK has admitted to spending around 16 billion per year on obese related diseases like diabetes.
UK newspaper
The Telegraph reported in 2016 that more money
is spent
on treating obesity in the UK than on staffing the police force and fire service.

In conclusion
, obesity is
being caused
by
easily
available calorie-rich processed
food
and
little
exercise. The effects of this are impacting individuals health
as well
as the cost of national healthcare services. In order for obesity to
be lessened
, individuals should
be educated
about nutrition,
furthermore
, the
governments
should implement higher taxes on all junk
food
and sugar.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In current society many people are struggling with obesity What is the main cause of this What are the effects v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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