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In countries where unemployment is high, education should only be obligatory up to primary school and not secondary school. To what extent do you agree are disagree. v.1

In countries where unemployment is high, education should only be obligatory up to primary school and not secondary school. v. 1
Limiting education up to primary school instead of secondary school is considered by most of the people that is necessary in a nation which the rate of unemployment is high. However, from my point of view, I do not completely agree with this perspective as it contains both merits and drawbacks for people and this essay will demonstrates. First and foremost, I believed that restrict education up to primary school will deprive student's right to gain knowledge and it is one of the most significant disadvantages that arise from this. Undoubtedly, secondary school play a vital role in our society and is one of the major place that help student to develop their life skills such as organizing skills, social skills and communication skills. Owing to this, while government limit education up to primary school, it will definitely confine student or adolescent to learn different knowledge and can lead to several serious problems and worse consequences. For instance, while do not contain the capable to advance life skills, ones may not have the ability to find a desired job and tend to live in a poverty circumstance. Nevertheless, in my opinion, one of the most important benefits that result from restricting education up to primary school in a country where unemployment is high is having the highest ability to reduce parent's burdens. Admittedly, studying in secondary school required to spend an enormous amount of money and parents in the nation where the rate of unemployment is high tend to unable afford the expenses. Due to this phenomenon, government have the obligation to confine education up to primary school in order to ensure parents live in a relax situation. To illustrate, when it is not essential to responsible for children's education fee, indeed, parents will not suffer from a stressful circumstance. In conclusion, this viewpoint contains both advantages and disadvantages for people who living in a country where unemployment is high. Government are essential to provide some effective methods to tackle the drawbacks which associated with this.
Limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is considered
by most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that is
necessary in a nation which the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
.
However
, from my point of view, I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perspective as it contains both merits and drawbacks for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and this essay will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "demonstrate"
demonstrates
.

First
and foremost, I believed that restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will deprive student's right to gain knowledge and it is one of the most significant disadvantages that arise from this.
Undoubtedly
, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
play a vital role in our society and is one of the major place that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
student to develop their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Owing to this, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, it will definitely confine student or adolescent to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
knowledge and can lead to several serious problems and worse consequences.
For instance
, while do not contain the capable to advance life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
may not have the ability to find a desired job and tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a poverty circumstance.

Nevertheless
, in my opinion, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits that result from restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in a country where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
is having the highest ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
parent's burdens.
Admittedly
, studying in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
required to spend an enormous amount of money and parents in the nation where the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
tend
Did you mean "to be unable"?
to unable
afford the expenses. Due to this phenomenon,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have the obligation to confine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to ensure parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'relax' is correct. If 'relax' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a relax
situation. To illustrate, when it is not essential to responsible for children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fee,
indeed
, parents will not suffer from a stressful circumstance.

In conclusion
, this viewpoint contains both advantages and disadvantages for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who living in a country where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
essential to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective methods to tackle the drawbacks which associated with this.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In countries where unemployment is high, education should only be obligatory up to primary school and not secondary school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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