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In countries the average weight of people are increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.1

In countries the average weight of people are increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 1
Face-to-face lectures are slowly being replaced by online courses due to the fast-paced development of technology. Although some people might think that there is no need for traditional lectures anymore, I believe they still play an important role in students' development. There are numerous benefits to attending physical lectures. Firstly, Consistent attendance in lectures can improve a student's discipline. For college students, this can be considered a preparation for office hours. Secondly, physical lectures promote human interaction, most importantly between professors and students. This will save time for students as they can just ask their questions and receive responses immediately. Lastly, physical lectures are also a chance for students to meet up and socialize with their classmates, which is a huge bonus as there are researches showing young people are becoming more and more lonely in their lives. However, I also understand why college students prefer online lectures to face-to-face ones. It is a fact that college-level materials can be difficult to understand at the first try. This is why many universities are providing online lectures for students to review them as many times as they like. Moreover, Students can pause the lecture videos for immediate in-depth reading, which is something physical lectures do not allow. Another thing is that giving a lecture physically in the morning, which is something some college students do not prefer. Professors can instead post online lecture video and let the students watch them in their own time. To conclude, although I think that new technology definitely make education more convenient, physical lectures are still of vital importance and cannot be replaced entirely by the technology. Professors should only provide online lectures in the form of recordings of physical ones.
Face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
are
slowly
being replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced development of technology. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no need for traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
anymore, I believe they
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in students' development.

There are numerous benefits to attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
.
Firstly
, Consistent attendance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a student's discipline. For college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, this can
be considered
a preparation for office hours.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
promote human interaction, most
importantly
between professors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This will save time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
ask their questions and receive responses immediately.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
are
also
a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up and socialize with their classmates, which is a huge bonus as there are researches showing young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more and more lonely in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

However
, I
also
understand why college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
to face-to-face ones. It is a fact that college-level materials can be difficult to understand at the
first
try. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities are providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to review them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times as they like.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can pause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
videos for immediate in-depth reading, which is something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
. Another thing is that giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
physically
in the morning, which is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not prefer. Professors can
instead
post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
video and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time.

To conclude
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that new technology definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
education more convenient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
are
still
of vital importance and cannot
be replaced
entirely
by the technology. Professors should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
in the form of recordings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
ones.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In countries the average weight of people are increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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