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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree. v.31

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 31
Although it has been said that growing online shopping market will eventually close all shops in and around cities, I completely disagree with this statement for two reasons. To begin with, there is one major reason why I oppose this notion is because there are still people who loves to shop around in big malls, city centres and from local area shops. For example, I have always seen my neighbour who loves to get ready nicely and show off their clothes, jewellery, and shoes as well as driving their expensive Mercedes car. Thus, even though online shopping is growing at a faster pace, malls and shops lovers will continue to visit them to showcase their material worth and spare their free time in doing ''window shopping''. Another reason why I oppose this notion is because there are people who still find it risky to use online shopping. For example, many friends of mine have seen fraud cases with the increased use of online shopping, therefore they are not only scared to adopt the online mode for shopping, but also they prevent other friends doing so. Consequently, In future, even If technological advancement in modern shopping trends rises, there will always be people who would not like to risk it and rather prefer to use the traditional way of shopping. Additionally, despite growing online shopping market, there are people from the village, who are unaware of the technological advancement and still prefer to do roadside shopping from open market. In conclusion, after discussing above issues I would like to reaffirm my opinion that I completely disagree with the phenomenon, despite growing online shopping trend will vanish shops one day in villages and cities.
Although it has
been said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
market will
eventually
close all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in and around cities, I completely disagree with this statement for two reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is one major reason why I oppose this notion is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "love"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
loves
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
around in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
malls, city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and from local area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
For example
, I have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready
nicely
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their clothes,
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
, and shoes
as well
as driving their expensive Mercedes car.
Thus
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
at a faster pace, malls and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
lovers will continue to visit them to showcase their material worth and spare their free time in doing ''window shopping''.

Another reason why I oppose this notion is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
find it risky to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends of mine have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
fraud cases with the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
therefore
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
scared to adopt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
mode for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
other friends doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Consequently
,
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, even If technological advancement in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
trends rises, there will always be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would not like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
it and
rather
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Additionally
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
market, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the village,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unaware of the technological advancement and
still
prefer to do roadside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from open market.

In conclusion
, after discussing above issues I would like to reaffirm my opinion that I completely disagree with the phenomenon, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
trend will vanish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
one day in villages and cities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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