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In cities and town all over the world the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v.1

In cities and town all over the world the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1
Morden society witnesses an increasing number of senior citizens with the improvement of infrastructures. The old generation is facing many challenges nowadays and bringing effects to the community. Firstly, living longer influences the life quality of individuals. Elderly people usually suffer from physical problems. For example, some of them may lose basic communications ability while some even cannot realize the body moving functions. In this situation, nurses who are received vocational training are in high demand to take care of old people. Under controlling by professional teams, elders lose their freedom to travel, work and pursue dreams. All they care about is just body health. Thus, personal life quality is affected heavily by their age. Secondly, aging individuals bring an economic burden to society, especially for the government. In order to provide a comfortable environment for senior citizens to live, the government needs to invest a large amount of money to facilities and social welfare. For instance, there exists a policy in China that citizens aged over 65 could enjoy free transportation in their city, including bus and underground. Moreover, Chinese elders could also experience cheap medical care once they need to go to the hospital. Based on these examples, it is clear that society bears a large financial expenditure on taking care of old people without receiving any income from this generation group. Thus, living longer could increase the financial pressure of society. In conclusion, there are some drawbacks of living with a long time for individuals and society. Their life quality would drop, and society may have a huge economic burden. In the future, there may need some advanced solutions to tackle this problem, and we should pay more attention to this special group of people.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
witnesses an increasing number of senior citizens with the improvement of infrastructures. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation is facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges nowadays and bringing effects to the community.

Firstly
, living longer influences the life quality of individuals. Elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
suffer from physical problems.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may lose basic
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "communications'" or "communication's"?
communications
ability while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even cannot realize the body moving functions. In this situation, nurses who
are received
vocational training are in high demand to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Under controlling by professional teams, elders lose their freedom to travel, work and pursue dreams. All they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
about is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
body health.
Thus
, personal life quality is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
heavily
by their age.

Secondly
, aging individuals bring an economic burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
especially
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In order to provide a comfortable environment for senior citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to invest a large amount of money to facilities and social welfare.
For instance
, there exists a policy in China that citizens aged over 65 could enjoy free transportation in their city, including bus and underground.
Moreover
, Chinese elders could
also
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
once they need to go to the hospital. Based on these examples, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
bears a large financial expenditure on taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without receiving any income from this generation group.
Thus
, living longer could increase the financial pressure of society.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of living with a long time for individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Their life quality would drop, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
may have a huge economic burden. In the future, there may need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advanced solutions to tackle this problem, and we should pay more attention to this special group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In cities and town all over the world the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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