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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.33

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 33
A visible change of any human civilization is getting old. Every individual has to go through three stages of life child, youth and elder. While, young is not much dependent on anyone but the other two needs support. In this essay I will discuss some of my views on who should be responsible for the backing needed during the later stage of survival. When we were children our parents were there to support us. Same is expected from us when we are young and our parents are older in age. They need our support physically as well as mentally. Due to the work related commitments, Young people are not able to take responsibility of their parents. They are not able to give the attention which is required at a later stage. So, to overcome this issue, families are sending their parents to the home care, which has all necessary facilities including nursing. The family, which prefers this option should be solely responsible for the expenses. It is their responsibility to take care of their parents and their well-being. Furthermore, government should also try to provide some more retirement benefits to all private sector employees so that they can survive. In some cases, we have seen families abandon their parents, if authorities enhance some benefits, then these people does not depend on anyone and can live happily. For instance, a large section in Britain is working as private employees, which does not provide any lifelong retirement monthly wages. It only provides a little of retirement fund, which is virtually not enough to survive in today's era. In conclusion, we as a society, should encourage younger generation to take care of older people. They should be given due respect. Public authorities should also make sure that they make arrangements so that these people can live their life with dignity and peace.
A visible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of any human civilization is getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Every individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go through three stages of life child, youth and elder. While, young is not much dependent on anyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other two needs support. In this essay I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my views on who should be responsible for the backing needed during the later stage of survival.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we were children our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were there to support us. Same is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from us when we are young and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are older in age. They need our support
physically
as well
as mentally. Due to the work related commitments, Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to take responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They are not able to give the attention which
is required
at a later stage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to overcome this issue, families are sending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to the home care, which has all necessary facilities including nursing. The family, which prefers this option should be
solely
responsible for the expenses. It is their responsibility to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their well-being.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
try to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more retirement benefits to all private sector employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can survive. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
families abandon their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, if authorities enhance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, then these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not depend on anyone and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
.
For instance
, a large section in Britain is working as private employees, which does not provide any lifelong retirement monthly wages. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
of retirement fund, which is
virtually
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to survive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era.

In conclusion
, we as a society, should encourage younger generation to take care of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
due respect. Public authorities should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
arrangements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life with dignity and peace.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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