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In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. v.1

In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. v. 1
Nowadays, several people do jobs at the same facility in all their working life. Though, some individuals believe that working in various places is good for their lives. In my personal opinion, altering companies are the efficient method of achieving a better career On the one hand, there are several individuals who believe in benefits of changing companies. Firstly, these masses can get exposure to different working environments. Gradually, those exposures to make them develop new skills. Secondly, altering organizations will help the individual to get trained about various working aspects of society. So, it can increase the market value of an individual, resulting in receiving offers with higher salary. Thus, financial stability can be attained from earlier stages of entity. Therefore, these people can lead a secure and successful personal survival. On the other hand, there are certain people who dedicate their professional existence for one cooperation only. The primary reason for following decision is the stability in work carrier. For instance, A person who works in a famous multinational company would known by society by his job and position in that facility. Moreover, there would be a higher demand of promotions from the same working organization. An individual who works in an organization for long years, have the chances of higher promotions and other benefits. Nevertheless, these people do not have sufficient exposure to other fields of work and skills. In conclusion, both working aspects have a tremendous influence in people's life. Even though. Changing organizations would help out individual to lead a sustainable life from their young age.
Nowadays, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do jobs at the same facility in all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life. Though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in various places is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my personal opinion, altering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are the efficient method of achieving a better career

On the one hand, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in benefits of changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Firstly
, these masses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environments.
Gradually
, those exposures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them develop new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Secondly
, altering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trained about various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
aspects of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it can increase the market value of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, resulting in receiving offers with higher salary.
Thus
, financial stability can
be attained
from earlier stages of entity.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can lead a secure and successful personal survival.

On the other hand
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dedicate their professional existence for one cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The primary reason for following decision is the stability in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
carrier.
For instance
, A person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would
Did you mean "have known" or "know"?
known
by society by his job and position in that facility.
Moreover
, there would be a higher demand of promotions from the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
for long years, have the chances of higher promotions and other benefits.
Nevertheless
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have sufficient exposure to other fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
aspects have a tremendous influence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
. Changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to lead a sustainable life from their young age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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