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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss bo… v.9

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss bo… v. 9
In this contemporary era, Public transport plays a imperative role in reducing the traffic congestion. Therefore a considerable amount of masses opines a large funds should be allocated to build latest railway lines so that trains can commute between the towns at a exponential pace, whilst some argue it should be utilized to improve current public transport. I shall examine both views before establishing my opinion. To embark on, Trains cause minimal environmental degradation compared to road casualties. In other words, most of the trains usually commute in the countryside which results in less pollution and congestion in cities. Secondly, accidents in railway causalities are very rare. Besides this, most of the people feel safe commuting in the train due to safety and reliability. For instance, a recent toll conducted by researchers state, there has been a shift of 38% from roadways to railway due to fast and secure transportation. Thus it is clear why most of the individuals opinions allocating funds to construct new railway lines. On a contrary, proponents of the above argument state spending money on railway is problematic as most of them commute within the city. In fact, construction of new flyovers and expanding roads can help in a better way. Also, this reduces traffic congestion and can make a way for the public to commute conveniently. Secondly, by providing more public buses and trams would help individual reach office and school at time. So few people opine this more fund to be allocated to boost public transport. In conclusion, Although by improving existing transport can alleviate some problems, it fails to reduce the pollution which is threatening the environment. Thus I believe allocating immense funds for railway lines in cities would help solve most of the problem and would help society in a significant way.
In this contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
transport plays
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
imperative role in reducing the traffic congestion.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
a considerable amount of masses opines a large
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "fund"?
funds
should
be allocated
to build
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
lines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
can commute between the towns at
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
exponential pace, whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue it should
be utilized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport. I shall examine both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
establishing my opinion.

To embark on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trains
cause minimal environmental degradation compared to road casualties.
In other words
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
usually
commute in the countryside which results in less pollution and congestion in cities.
Secondly
, accidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
causalities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare.
Besides
this, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel safe commuting in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
due to safety and reliability.
For instance
, a recent toll conducted by researchers state, there has been a shift of 38% from roadways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and secure transportation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why most of the individuals opinions allocating funds to construct new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
lines.

On a contrary, proponents of the above argument state spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is problematic as most of them commute within the city. In fact, construction of new flyovers and expanding roads can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in a better way.
Also
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
traffic congestion and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a way for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to commute
conveniently
.
Secondly
, by providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
buses and trams would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
individual reach office and school at time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine this more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
to
be allocated
to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport.

In conclusion
, Although by improving existing transport can alleviate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems, it fails to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollution which is threatening the environment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I believe allocating immense funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
lines in cities would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
solve most of the problem and would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
society
Consider replacing "in a significant way" with the adverb for "significant"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a significant way
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss bo… v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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