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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.8

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 8
A transportation system is a mean by which material objects (animals, humans and goods) are moved from one place to another. In my opinion, more finance should be consumed on constructing new railway tracks instead of improving exiting public transport. (40) We had seen in the past that there were no reliable means of transportations in any country until the invention of wheel in the 19th century. People always used animals like horses and camels not only for travelling, but also for transporting goods from one place to another. (47) Presently, people are using a wide range of public transports like road vehicles, railways and aeroplanes. Among these, the railway is considered the most convenient source of transportation because of many reasons like trains are always reached in time, they free from traffic jams and are able to carry a large number of passengers and goods. Thus, it has now become compulsory for countries to improve railway tracks for fast moving trains. Whereas, money spent on other means of transportations like vans, automobiles and buses are although beneficial. However, they create some major problems like traffic jams, road accidents and environmental issues in all the big cities. (104) The recent developments in railways like bullet trains and underground railway track facility have made it the most popular mode of transportation in all the developed countries. Thus, if the countries keep on investing more on railways, then rails will certainly become the fastest and the safest way of transportation in the near future. (54) Thus, in my opinion, railway networks must be upgraded and new tracks should be constructed rather than investing again and again on existing public transports. (25)
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system is a mean by which material objects (animals, humans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
) are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from one place to another. In my opinion, more finance should
be consumed
on constructing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
instead
of improving exiting public transport. (40)

We had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past that there were no reliable means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
until the invention of wheel in the 19th century.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
animals like horses and camels not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for travelling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for transporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from one place to another. (47)

Presently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using a wide range of public transports like road vehicles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
. Among these, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is considered
the most convenient source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons like trains are always reached in time, they free from traffic jams and are able to carry
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
passengers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Thus
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become compulsory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving trains. Whereas, money spent on other means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
like vans, automobiles and buses are although beneficial.
However
, they create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major problems like traffic jams, road accidents and environmental issues in all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. (104)

The recent developments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
like bullet trains and underground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
track
facility have made it the most popular mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in all the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on investing more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
, then rails will
certainly
become the fastest and the safest way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in the near future. (54)

Thus
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be upgraded
and new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
should
be constructed
rather
than investing again and again on existing public transports. (25)
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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