Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.21

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 21
A transportation system is a mean by which material objects (animals, humans, and goods) are moved from one place to another. I am totally agreed that more finance should be consumed on railways as compared to other public transports. (39) In ancient times, people had used animals like horses and camels for travelling and even for transporting goods. They had neither reliable nor efficient means of transportation like railways and road transports until the invention of the wheel in the 19th century. (42) Presently, wide range of public transport including road vehicles, railways and aeroplanes is used in almost all the parts of the world. Among these, the railway is considered the most reliable source. This is because of the several facts like trains are always on time. They are free from traffic jams and carry a large number of people and goods. While, the money spent on improving existing public transports like vans and buses is although beneficial for both passengers and the environment. However, it creates some major problems like traffic jams, road accidents and environmental issues in all the big cities. (101) The recent addition of bullet trains and underground train facility in railways has made it the most popular mode of travelling in developing countries. It has now become the need of the hour to invest more in railways. If the popularity of railway keeps on increasing then railway will certainly become the fastest way of transportation in the near future. (60) Thus, I strongly believed that railway networks must be upgraded and new tracks should be added rather than investing again and again on existing public transports. (26)
A transportation system is a mean by which material objects (animals, humans, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
) are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from one place to another. I am
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that more finance should
be consumed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
as compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
. (39)

In ancient times,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
animals like horses and camels for travelling and even for transporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. They had neither reliable nor efficient means of transportation like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
and road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
until the invention of the wheel in the 19th century. (42)

Presently
, wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
including road vehicles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in almost all the parts of the world. Among these, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is considered
the most reliable source. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the several facts like trains are always on time. They are free from traffic jams and carry
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. While, the money spent on improving existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
like vans and buses is although beneficial for both passengers and the environment.
However
, it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major problems like traffic jams, road accidents and environmental issues in all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. (101)

The recent addition of bullet trains and underground train facility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
has made it the most popular mode of travelling in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become the need of the hour to invest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
. If the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on increasing then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
will
certainly
become the fastest way of transportation in the near future. (60)

Thus
, I
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be upgraded
and new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
rather
than investing again and again on existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
. (26)
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 21

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts