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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constricting new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.1

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constricting new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 1
Part-time jobs are in common across many people, especially to students doing university studies. It is a trend in students taking up any part-time jobs to cater to their needs. However, there are some pupils believe it is a sheer waste of time as it spoils the focus of studies. In my opinion, I believe enrolling in part-time jobs helps the student to manage their expenses and cover their student loan. Firstly, there are many advantages to students out of part-time jobs. Nowadays, pupils want to be independent and look after their expenses, as they do not want to depend on their parents. Although some parents are affluent, students tend to take these hourly jobs to learn and get exposure to people, also buy their wish list on their own. Perhaps, this is a life skill should be learnt from a young age to understand different people. This will bring immense satisfaction as they learn to know the value of money and time at the same time. Besides, it develops communication skills and they develop the maturity to handle people. To illustrate, in foreign countries, it is mandated for children to grab some part-time jobs at the age of 18 years to develop life skills. Nowadays, in India, this trend seems to be increasing, as there are students working as part-time for delivering food and driving a cab. Also, some students trial under the businessman / company to learn the job. For these reasons, students are planning for hourly jobs. Furthermore, Students can pay their student loans while completing their studies. Most students who opt for university studies will get the loan to pursue their degrees. While they complete their graduation, students will work and pay back their amount to close the student loan. This will encourage and motivate them to stay focused on their studies and at work. Besides this, they learn many things such as being responsible, accountable for their parents and improve decision skills. In 2015, the survey demonstrated by Harvard University states that 70% of students have taken their part-time jobs for paying bank loans, 20% of them to manage their social life and 10% of students opt for learning. In short, students will not give stress to their parents to pay their educational loans. To conclude, it is likely to believe that more and more university students are taking up part-time jobs. As a result, students benefit in many ways by taking care of their expenses and pay educational loans. I strongly believe that students should opt for part-time jobs while they pursue their studies as it ultimately builds them constructively.
Part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are in common across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. It is a trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking up any part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to cater to their needs.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it is a sheer waste of time as it spoils the focus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
enrolling in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to manage their expenses and cover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
loan.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
out of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Nowadays, pupils want to be independent and look after their expenses, as they do not want to depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are affluent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to take these hourly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their wish list on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Perhaps, this is a life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from a young age to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This will bring immense satisfaction as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to know the value of money and time at the same time.
Besides
, it develops communication
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
they develop the maturity to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate, in foreign countries, it
is mandated
for children to grab
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at the age of 18 years to develop life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Nowadays, in India, this trend seems to be increasing, as there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
working as part-time for delivering food and driving a cab.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
trial under the businessman /
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are planning for hourly jobs.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
while completing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
to pursue their degrees. While they complete their graduation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
back their amount to close the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
. This will encourage and motivate them to stay focused on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and at work.
Besides
this, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as being responsible, accountable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
decision
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In 2015, the survey demonstrated by Harvard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
states that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have taken their part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for paying bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
, 20% of them to manage their social life and 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt for learning. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
their educational loans.

To conclude
, it is likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are taking up part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
benefit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways by taking care of their expenses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
. I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should opt for part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as it
ultimately
builds them
constructively
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constricting new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
436 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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