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In a global economy, many goods, including what we use on a daily basis, are transported from other countries in a long distance. To what extent do you think its benefits exceed its drawbacks? v.1

In a global economy, many goods, including what we use on a daily basis, are transported from other countries in a long distance. v. 1
Nowadays children are getting more inclined towards the phones. Parents feel the excessive use of phones could harmful for them. Despite phones have made our lives better but still have its side effects as well. Children have started spending time on the phones which as has started affecting their mental and physical growth. Some parents have raised concern regarding the excessive use of phones by their children. Children have become more physically unfit, since they spend so many on cell phones playing games, watching movies, clicking photos and other social media sites. For example, if a child continues playing games on the phone do not gout play any sport. At some point the child will start gaining weight. If some parents think its harmful, but some on the other hand, believe it’s a very useful device. Cell phones can be considered a safety device, since parents can easily reach out to their children. Nowadays crime rate has increased in all over the world. For example, if a child goes out to a party and will be late while coming. In such situation they can easily call their parents and inform them. In conclusion, I would like to say that cell phones definitely a very useful resource, but at the same it has own disadvantages as well. However, parents need to keep a check, how long the children are busy on these devices. Children should be allowed to use their cell phones only for a short period of time like while they are in school or when go out alone with their friends. This is kind of practice will give them time for other outdoor activities.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting more inclined towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
feel the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
could harmful for them. Despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
have its side effects
as well
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
spending time on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
which as has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
affecting their mental and physical growth.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have raised concern regarding the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have become more
physically
unfit, since they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
playing games, watching movies, clicking photos and other social media sites.
For example
, if a child continues playing games on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
do not gout play any sport. At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point the child will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
gaining weight.

If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
its harmful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
on the other hand
, believe it’s a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful device.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
be considered
a safety device, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
easily
reach out to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nowadays crime rate has increased in all over the world.
For example
, if a child goes out to a party and will be late while coming. In such situation they can
easily
call their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and inform them.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful resource,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages
as well
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
, how long the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are busy on these devices.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a short period of time like while they are in school or when go out alone with their friends. This is kind of practice will give them time for other outdoor activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In a global economy, many goods, including what we use on a daily basis, are transported from other countries in a long distance. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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