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Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.7

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? v. 7
Many underdeveloped countries nowadays face serious problems trying to provide their citizens with decent education and strength facilities, as well as in other areas like trade. However, I disagree that developed nations ought to support these countries, and think they should try to stand on their own feet instead. It is usually possible for poor countries to raise enough money to overcome their predicaments since the source of their shortcomings is usually a deep corruption and domestic mismanagement, which have resulted in their funds being embezzled by dishonest officials and their affairs in areas like education, fitness and trade run by unqualified authorities. If they are in need of support in such areas, they should first make an effort to eradicate the above mentioned issues before asking for aid from the outside world. Furthermore, the money that the governments of developed countries belong to their citizens because it originates from their taxes, customs duties, and national resources. It should therefore be spent on providing better facilities like health centres and universities, and improving business environments for their own citizens, not for people living elsewhere in the world. (55 words) Some may argue that the decline in living conditions in developing countries could result in the migration of their citizens to developed countries in search of a better life, which involves serious financial and cultural concerns for rich nations. However, public investment in improving border control and defence structures can render these concerns insignificant. In conclusion, I think developed countries should not aid poor countries, as their funds should be invested in the betterment of life for their own citizens. Undeveloped nations can often overcome their shortcomings in commerce, well-being and education on their own through eliminating corrupt officials and improving their management practices.
Many
underdeveloped
countries
nowadays face serious problems trying to provide their
citizens
with decent education and strength facilities,
as well
as in other areas like trade.
However
, I disagree that
developed
nations ought to support these
countries
, and
think
they should try to stand on their
own
feet
instead
.

It is
usually
possible for poor
countries
to raise
enough
money to overcome their predicaments since the source of their shortcomings is
usually
a deep corruption and domestic mismanagement, which have resulted in their funds
being embezzled
by dishonest officials and their affairs in areas like education, fitness and trade run by unqualified authorities. If they are in need of support in such areas, they should
first
make
an effort to eradicate the above mentioned issues
before
asking for aid from the outside world.

Furthermore
, the money that the
governments
of
developed
countries
belong to their
citizens
because
it originates from their taxes, customs duties, and national resources. It should
therefore
be spent
on providing better facilities like health
centres
and universities, and improving business environments for their
own
citizens
, not for
people
living elsewhere in the world. (55 words)

Some
may argue that the decline in living conditions in developing
countries
could result in the migration of their
citizens
to
developed
countries
in search of a better life, which involves serious financial and cultural concerns for rich nations.
However
, public investment in improving border control and
defence
structures can render these concerns insignificant.

In conclusion
, I
think
developed
countries
should not aid poor
countries
, as their funds should
be invested
in the betterment of life for their
own
citizens
. Undeveloped nations can
often
overcome their shortcomings in commerce, well-being and education on their
own
through eliminating corrupt officials and improving their management practices.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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