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Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. ’ How far do you share this viewpoint? v.2

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. ’ How far do you share this viewpoint? v. 2
There is an idea that every person should participate in charitable donations in part of their own income. I could not agree this statement, and I will explain the reasons in the essay. First statement, all the people cannot donate for fund cause of economical unstable situations, unemployment and their different financial ability. The worst economic system creates a poor society that increases the state of being unemployed. This affects that the most of society members cannot afford to pay consumer costs, which includes rent, electricity cost even if food supplies. Also they have to withdraw a certain amount of money from their bank account regularly and nothing is left behind for endowment. Second statement, in spite of the fact that they receive a considerable income, have a strong financial situation, and work so hard to earn it does not matter to take part in charity of donations. In other words, Fund contribution should be voluntary not by force or regulation. Because every person has the absolute right have to spend it whatever they want. From my perspective, people who give their money voluntarily is nature of donation. It is true that charity is an important that gives a chance to help people, who contend with a difficult situation. Despite this, every single person could not take part in it because of their financial situation and decision. To conclude, it appears that fund community could not be donated by everybody because of economic conditions which influences for citizens financial and personal decision. Philanthropic foundation is gathered by people who give their own. Not for all
There is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that every person should participate in charitable donations in part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income. I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this statement, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons in the essay.

First
statement, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot donate for fund cause of economical unstable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, unemployment and their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
ability. The worst economic system creates a poor society that increases the state of
being unemployed
. This affects that the
Consider using "most society" or "most of the society".
most of society
members cannot afford to pay consumer costs, which includes rent, electricity cost even if food supplies.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
withdraw a certain amount of money from their bank account
regularly
and nothing is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind for endowment.

Second statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that they receive a considerable income, have a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, and work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn it does not matter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in charity of donations.
In other words
, Fund contribution should be voluntary not by force or regulation.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
every person has the absolute right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend it whatever they want. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who give their money
voluntarily
is nature of donation.

It is true that charity is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that gives a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who contend with a difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. Despite this, every single person could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and decision.

To conclude
, it appears that fund community could not
be donated
by everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of economic conditions which influences for citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and personal decision. Philanthropic foundation
is gathered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who give their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Not for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
all
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. ’ How far do you share this viewpoint? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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