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Imagine that your city government has given permission for a major company to build a large factory near your neighborhood. Do you think this is a good idea? Why or why not? Explain your position using specific reasons and examples. v.2

Imagine that your city government has given permission for a major company to build a large factory near your neighborhood. Do you think this is a good idea? Why or why not? Explain your position using specific reasons and examples. v. 2
The presence of factories near residential zones is a very controversial topic in modern society. personally, I would wholeheartedly support the construction of a factory near my town. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, my community desperately needs the jobs that a factory would give. I live in an economically disadvantaged region which has suffered from high unemployment rates for more than fifty years. This has had some very serious effects on the town, including high rates of child poverty and crime, as well as poorly developed public services. This makes me think of my brother’s situation. He lives in the same country as I do, but in a different city. Several years ago, a manufacturing plant actually was constructed in his region. There was, indeed, an increase in pollution, noise and traffic after the factory opened, but everyone agrees that this was an acceptable trade-off for the declines in crime, graffiti and homelessness that occurred at the same time. I believe that my brother’s example demonstrates why it would be a great idea to build new industry in my town. Secondly, modern industry is not as bad as a lot of people think. Here in Canada, factories come equipped with modern technology that removes the most dangerous chemicals from their regular emissions. Moreover, advances in public transportation can reduce some of the traffic-related concerns that most people have when they think about industrial development. For example, when that factory was constructed in my brother’s town he and many of his neighbors were quite surprised at how little air pollution they noticed. There was some effect on their air quality, but it was not nearly as bad as they thought it would be. Not only that, but the construction of the factory caused the local government to invest heavily in public transportation for the workers, and this has made life more convenient for everyone in the city. This example describes another reason why I would love for a factory to be constructed in my hometown. In conclusion, I strongly believe that a factory would be a wonderful addition to my community. This is because it would create a lot of employment, and because factories are not as dirty and inconvenient as many people think.
The presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
near residential zones is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial topic in modern society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
personally
, I would
wholeheartedly
support the construction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
near my town. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, my community
desperately
needs the jobs that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
would give. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an
economically
disadvantaged region which has suffered from high unemployment rates for more than fifty years. This has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious effects on the town, including high rates of child poverty and crime,
as well
as
poorly
developed public services. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
of my brother’s situation. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the same country as I do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city. Several years ago, a manufacturing plant actually
was constructed
in his region. There was,
indeed
, an increase in pollution, noise and traffic after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
opened,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that this was an acceptable trade-off for the declines in crime, graffiti and homelessness that occurred at the same time. I believe that my brother’s example demonstrates why it would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to build new industry in my town.

Secondly
, modern industry is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
. Here in Canada,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
equipped with modern technology that removes the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
chemicals from their regular emissions.
Moreover
, advances in public transportation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the traffic-related concerns that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about industrial development.
For example
, when that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
was constructed
in my brother’s town he and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of his neighbors were quite surprised at how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
air pollution they noticed. There was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effect on their air quality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was not
nearly
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it would be. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the construction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
caused the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest
heavily
in public transportation for the workers, and this has made life more convenient for everyone in the city. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
another reason why I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
to
be constructed
in my hometown.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
would be a wonderful addition to my community. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
employment, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
are not as dirty and inconvenient as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Imagine that your city government has given permission for a major company to build a large factory near your neighborhood. Do you think this is a good idea? Why or why not? Explain your position using specific reasons and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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