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A friend is trying to reduce living expenses. This person is trying to decide among the following three ways to do this: -Find a roommate (housemate) who can share living expenses-Buy new technology products such as the latest mobile (cell phone), -Buy les v.2

A friend is trying to reduce living expenses. This person is trying to decide among the following three ways to do this: -Find a roommate (housemate) who can share living expenses-Buy new technology products such as the latest mobile (cell phone), -Buy les v. 2
There is no shortage of debate about how people can reduce their living expenses. Many believe they can reduce their life expenses buy cooking food at home or do not buy latest technology devices, while other believe find a roommate to share living cost is a best way to reduce living cost. I am of the opinion that second idea is better. Thus, I would suggest my friend to find a roommate to share the rent. I will address the most discernible reasons why I feel this is good idea in the following. To begin with, I believe my friend can reduce his life expenses by share his room. Because paying rent in due time is very hard for him, it is because his annual salary is not to much. In order to be close to his working place, he rent a home in expensive place. Thus, he pay half of his salary for his room. He can find another person to defray his cost. Not only that, but also new technology products such as cellphone or laptop is not too expensive. These products do not cost more than 3000 dollar, Also, eating food at home is not very cheaper than resturant, because these companies charge their customer only 10 percent more, and this is not make big different to make food in his house. For instance, Last year, I moved to new city far from my parents home. At the beginning I did not share my room, because I wanted privacy. But after two months I notice it is really expensive to pay the whole rent, hence, I decided to share my room with other guy. It was a good decision because I save more than half of my part-time job salary. Moreover, individuals can use other people experience. Sharing room with others, provide this opportunity to my friend to use his roommate experience. My own experience is a good example of this. When I was university student, I lived in campus. My roommate was secondary student in my major field, Thus, he gave me very important advice about professor and about classes. Not only that, but I used his assist to complete my assignment. Similarly, because my friend is student now, he can use this benefit if he share his room with other student. In conclusion, it is for all the aforementioned reasons, I firmly believe sharing house rent whit other person is better way to reduce living expenses. This is because paying rent is monthly and it is more expensive than the other, and because it provide opportunity to my friend to improve his social skills.
There is no shortage of debate about how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
their life expenses
Did you mean "by"?
buy
cooking food at home or do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technology devices, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roommate
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. I am of the opinion that second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is better.
Thus
, I would suggest my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roommate
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
. I will address the most discernible reasons why I feel this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
his life expenses by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
in due time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for him, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his annual salary is not
Did you mean "too"?
to
much. In order to be close to his working place, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
a home in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
place.
Thus
, he pay half of his salary for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. He can find another person to defray his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
new technology products such as cellphone or laptop is not too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
. These products do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
more than 3000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
,
Also
, eating food at home is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cheaper than
Possible spelling mistake found.
resturant
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
charge their customer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 percent more, and this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
food in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For instance
, Last year, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to new city far from my parents home. At the beginning I did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I wanted privacy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after two months I notice it is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
to pay the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
,
hence
, I decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
guy. It was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I save more than half of my part-time job salary.

Moreover
, individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience. Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with others, provide this opportunity to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roommate
experience. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this. When I was university student, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in campus. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roommate
was secondary student in my major field,
Thus
, he gave me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advice about professor and about classes. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his assist to complete my assignment.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this benefit if he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "shares", "shared".
share
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
student.

In conclusion
, it is for all the aforementioned reasons, I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
whit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
is monthly and it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
opportunity to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay A friend is trying to reduce living expenses. This person is trying to decide among the following three ways to do this: -Find a roommate (housemate) who can share living expenses-Buy new technology products such as the latest mobile (cell phone), -Buy les v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
439 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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