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if you were in a college what would you prefer to choose to study: one subject and focus on it or different subjects and why? v.1

if you were in a college what would you prefer to choose to study: one subject and focus on it or different subjects and why? v. 1
In recent times, the choice of what is best to give as gifts to teenagers has been a front burning issue in parenting. While some are of the believe that money is the best gift for teenagers, others disagree. On one hand, it is believed that presenting teenagers with monetary gifts more often than not, familiarises them with the usage of money at an early stage. This helps them to be financially responsible and also develops their saving habits. In addition, teenagers might seem too old for toys and electronics and other teen favourites might seem quite expensive. For this reason cash gifts might just come in handy for them. On the other hand, exposing teenagers to unearned money might result in them developing an unbridled appetite for impulsive spendings. This may lead to an insatiable quest for cash and if left unchecked, could result in them exploring unapproved ways to source for it. Moreover, an early exposure of teenagers to these gifts could make them vulnerable to social vices in which they become accustomed to being the centre of attraction among their peers and a sort of de-facto leader probably as a result of the amount of cash they have always got to throw around, a situation they may not be able to handle due to the frailty of their young minds. In conclusion, while a cash reward system for teenagers can be encouraged, this must not be left unchecked. Some measures must be put in place to ensure that the teenager is guided on how to make financial decisions on how best to put his resources to use. He can be instructed on what to do with the money, what to spend and save. This will develop his sense of responsibility towards handling monetary benefits.
In recent times, the choice of what is best to give as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
has been a front burning issue in parenting. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, others disagree.

On one hand, it
is believed
that presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
with monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not,
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarises' is British English.
familiarises
them with the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at an early stage. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be
financially
responsible and
also
develops their saving habits.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
for toys and electronics and other teen
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem quite expensive.
For this reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy for them.

On the other hand
, exposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to unearned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
result in them developing an unbridled appetite for impulsive
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
. This may lead to an insatiable quest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
and if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unchecked, could result in them exploring unapproved ways to source for it.
Moreover
, an early exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them vulnerable to social vices in which they become accustomed to being the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of attraction among their peers and a sort of
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-facto
leader
probably
as a result
of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
they have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to throw around, a situation they may not be able to handle due to the frailty of their young minds.

In conclusion
, while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
reward system for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
be encouraged
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unchecked.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be put
in place to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
is guided
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
financial decisions on how best to put his resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. He can
be instructed
on what to do with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, what to spend and save. This will develop his sense of responsibility towards handling monetary benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay if you were in a college what would you prefer to choose to study: one subject and focus on it or different subjects and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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