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If you have a chance to choose your job, would you like to choose a job withhigh salary or that can get personal satisfaction? Why? v.1

If you have a chance to choose your job, would you like to choose a job withhigh salary or that can get personal satisfaction? Why? v. 1
In the modern world, many people tend to purchase ready-made meals, such as fast food, junk food, and takeaway dishes. In this regard, they don’t cook at home regularly and often refuse to bake, boil and cook some types of food for the relatives. Although many individuals believe that this is a negative trend, personally, I believe that this trend has many advantages, such as spending time for other activities, concentrating on the study and watching the favourite TV programs. On the one hand, it is true that not preparing nutrition at home can be useful for spending time on other things. In this case, the housewives can do many other house works, such as washing, cleaning and reading. Furthermore, this tendency also beneficial for the person who is career oriented. For instance, these kinds of people can save their times, and dedicated it for developing their personal growth, interpersonal skills and communication. In addition, they can dedicate their day for the relaxation. On the other hand, not cooking can be expensive for the ordinary people, as many takeaways are costly. In this regard, some people prefer to cook. Moreover, the second advantage of this tendency is spending time with enjoyment. For example, many people can forget about their problems while they prepare a meal. In addition, they can delight the people around them, as many individuals please to receive nourishment. In conclusion, although many individuals tend to think that buying ready-made foods is not beneficial for the people, however, I believe that this tendency can save the time. In addition, consumers of these products can develop the small business of local communities.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
ready-made meals, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and takeaway dishes. In this regard, they don’t cook at home
regularly
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
refuse to bake, boil and cook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the relatives. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend,
personally
, I believe that this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, such as spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities, concentrating on the study and watching the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
TV programs.

On the one hand, it is true that not preparing nutrition at home can be useful for spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
In this case
, the housewives can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
works, such as washing, cleaning and reading.
Furthermore
, this tendency
also
beneficial for the person who is career oriented.
For instance
, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, and dedicated it for developing their personal growth, interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and communication.
In addition
, they can dedicate their day for the relaxation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, not cooking can be expensive for the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
takeaways are costly. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to cook.
Moreover
, the second advantage of this tendency is spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with enjoyment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can forget about their problems while they prepare a meal.
In addition
, they can delight the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
to receive nourishment.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that buying ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is not beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, I believe that this tendency can save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition, consumers of these products can develop the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business of local communities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay If you have a chance to choose your job, would you like to choose a job withhigh salary or that can get personal satisfaction? Why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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