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when people move to another country, some prefer to follow the customs of their new country, while other prefer to keep their own customs. which one do you prefer? use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

when people move to another country, some prefer to follow the customs of their new country, while other prefer to keep their own customs. which one do you prefer? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
It is irrefutable that globalization has allowed people from all origins and culture to settle in different parts of the world. Immigrating to a country with cultural and language difference can be challenging and does create some serious issues related to safety and mis communication. I totally agree with the statement and in this essay, I will support my view with examples. The most significant disadvantage of living in many of the foreign country is understanding the pronunciation. In the recent years, because of the global media, we often see reports related to firing on some foreign nationals. For example, an Indian citizen, on vacation, to the USA was shot dead by an officer, as he was unable to identify himself clearly. As a consequence, the officer was fired as the man died on site. Since then, the government has been cautious in providing visas to tourists and visiting parents. Another drawback of working in a foreign country is mis communication. Many people in order to impress their colleagues use words which alter the meaning of the sentence, resulting in a loss. To illustrate this, Time magazine wrote a column stating that immigrants use higher level vocabulary, which changes the meaning of a sentence. In contrast, the locals mostly use basic language to present their view. As a result, the management of most of the companies are having locals, so that they can set agenda's in a better way. In conclusion, moving to a different country is always a plus. In my opinion, it has its drawback and should be considered before moving. Also, we should prepare ourselves for the move. As in any civilisation, language has always been an important pillar.
It is irrefutable that globalization has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all origins and culture to settle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world. Immigrating to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with cultural and language difference can be challenging and does create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues related to safety and
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis
communication. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and in this essay, I will support my view with examples.

The most significant disadvantage of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is understanding
the pronunciation. In the recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the global media, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
reports related to firing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foreign nationals.
For example
, an Indian citizen, on vacation, to the USA
was shot
dead by an officer, as he was unable to identify himself
clearly
. As a consequence, the officer
was fired
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
on site. Since then, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has been cautious in providing visas to tourists and visiting parents.

Another drawback of working in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis
communication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to impress their colleagues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
words which alter the meaning of the sentence, resulting in a loss. To illustrate this, Time magazine wrote a column stating that immigrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
higher level vocabulary, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the meaning of a sentence.
In contrast
, the locals
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
basic language to present their view.
As a result
, the management of most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are having locals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can set agenda's in a better way.

In conclusion
, moving to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is always a plus. In my opinion, it has its drawback and should
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
moving.
Also
, we should prepare ourselves for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. As in any
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
, language has always been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
pillar.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay when people move to another country, some prefer to follow the customs of their new country, while other prefer to keep their own customs. which one do you prefer? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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