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As air travel has become cheaper, more and more people are travelling abroad for their vacations instead of visiting places in their own country. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

As air travel has become cheaper, more and more people are travelling abroad for their vacations instead of visiting places in their own country. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
It is generally acknowledged that travelling to different countries for vacation has become more and more popular as flight tickets are getting cheaper. Therefore, individuals visit local places less. While going abroad has several benefits, personally, I believe, they are both outnumbered and outweighed by the disadvantages. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon followed by my personal point of view. On the one hand, travelling outside of the country instead of visiting local places has numerous merits; chief among them, the fact that people can broaden their perspective due to seeing different cultures. This leads to having unique ideas resulting in being more productive in the workplace. As a consequence, companies, as well as the whole nation, can grow and develop faster. This has been evidenced by a number of academic studies the latest of which is one published by the University of Sydney in 2017 concluding that, 75 percent of travellers who prefer to go abroad have significantly different ideas to apply to their work, as they are able to see different perspectives while they are away. The study further shows that the companies which hire those employees contribute to the national growth more than others, as they get economically stronger with new ideas. On the other hand, going abroad for a holiday rather than going to a location inside of the country has innumerable undeniable demerits, the latest of which is losing the cultural identity owing to the fact that individuals do not know their own culture. If they would spend their vacation in cities of their country, they would learn their own roots. This creates value for national identity resultıng in carrying the heritage. According to the latest statistics released by the Heritage Committee of Russia in 2018, 88% of the Russian population know American culture better instead of their own, as they travel to the U. S a lot. Therefore, they are about to lose most of the local cultures such as making Matryoshka dolls, as no one visits those villages to learn. In conclusion, whereas having a vacation abroad due to cheaper flight tickets has several potential merits such as broaden individuals' perspective, they are undoubtedly eclipsed by the demerits which are losing the cultural heritage and not knowing their roots.
It is
generally
acknowledged that travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for vacation has become more and more popular as flight tickets are getting cheaper.
Therefore
, individuals visit local places less. While going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has several benefits,
personally
, I believe, they are both outnumbered and outweighed by the disadvantages. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon followed by my personal point of view.

On the one hand, travelling
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
instead
of visiting local places has numerous merits; chief among them, the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can broaden their perspective due to seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. This leads to having unique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
resulting in being more productive in the workplace. As a consequence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
as well
as the whole nation, can grow and develop faster. This has
been evidenced
by a number of academic studies the latest of which is one published by the University of Sydney in 2017 concluding that, 75 percent of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
who prefer to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
have
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to apply to their work, as they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspectives while they are away. The study
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which hire those employees contribute to the national growth more than others, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
economically
stronger with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

On the other hand
, going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for a holiday
rather
than going to a location
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has innumerable undeniable demerits, the latest of which is losing the cultural identity owing to the fact that individuals do not know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If they
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would spend
their vacation in cities of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they would learn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
roots. This creates value for national identity
Possible spelling mistake found.
resultıng
in carrying the heritage. According to the latest statistics released by the Heritage Committee of Russia in 2018, 88% of the Russian population know American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
better
instead
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, as they travel to the U. S a lot.
Therefore
, they are about to lose most of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
such as making
Possible spelling mistake found.
Matryoshka
dolls, as no one visits those villages to learn.

In conclusion
, whereas having a vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
due to cheaper flight tickets has several potential merits such as broaden individuals' perspective, they are
undoubtedly
eclipsed by the demerits which are losing the cultural heritage and not knowing their roots.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As air travel has become cheaper, more and more people are travelling abroad for their vacations instead of visiting places in their own country. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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