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If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v.1

If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 1
Nowadays, owing to our lavish lifestyle, people, who are fans of fashion, tend to purchase designer clothes. While quite a few of individuals advocate fashion, others, including me claim that there are countless demerits in this manner and one had better use clothes efficiently. On the one hand, there are some who hold the opinion that following upgrade clothes is a must in their modern life. Regardless of their unreasonable expenditures which will be paid by fashion followers, they assert that wearing trendy clothes not only can make a subconscious impression on people’s self-confidence but they also send important messages to others. Under no circumstances do they prefer to avoid buying more modern garments. As a consequence, they believe that old-fashion ones should have been overtaken by the newest garments. On the other hand, a great deal of reasons is considered as harmful aspects of supporting fashion. For instance, the majority of ordinary citizens cannot afford to buy expensive clothes. They have more magnificent priority which has to provide their families in accordance with their essential needs. Moreover, consequences of too much attention on fashion have been warned by sociologists. Based on studies, we are observing the fact that people’s way of shopping has been increasing dramatically while they deal with basic economic problems. In conclusion, even though fashion is accepted by a wide variety of individuals, it seems that it may have quite many of the negative effects on societies. Such impacts are so irreparably that fashion’s drawbacks outweigh its benefits.
Nowadays, owing to our lavish lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are fans of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
designer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. While quite a few of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "advocates"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'advocate' is not always incorrect.)
advocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, others, including me claim that there are countless demerits in this manner and one had better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
efficiently
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who hold the opinion that following upgrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
in their modern life. Regardless of their unreasonable expenditures which will
be paid
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
followers, they assert that wearing trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a subconscious impression on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s self-confidence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
messages to others. Under no circumstances do they prefer to avoid buying more modern garments. As a consequence, they believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashion ones should have
been overtaken
by the newest garments.

On the other hand
, a great deal of reasons
is considered
as harmful aspects of supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
.
For instance
, the majority of ordinary citizens cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. They have more magnificent priority which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide their families in accordance with their essential needs.
Moreover
, consequences of too much attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
have
been warned
by sociologists. Based on studies, we are observing the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s way of shopping has been increasing
dramatically
while they deal with basic economic problems.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by a wide variety of individuals, it seems that it may have quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on societies. Such impacts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
irreparably
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion’s
drawbacks outweigh its benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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