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If we look back at history it is seen that violence and conflict were evident under male leadership than female leadership. Does this suggest that female leadership is a better option? Would it ensure the peace and better growth in the society? v.2

If we look back at history it is seen that violence and conflict were evident under male leadership than female leadership. Does this suggest that female leadership is a better option? Would it ensure the peace and better growth in the society? v. 2
Based on the world historical events, it can be seen that there was more violence and confrontation under men's leadership compare to the women's. Some people believe that one of the solutions to world peace would be by appointing more women leaders. I personally disagree with the statement as I believe that gender does not affect to crime or conflicts, but it depends on the leader's personality. Many people think that there are more conflicts and wars under the leadership of men. History had shown that due to several male leaders' ambition, some of the bloodiest war had happened. One of the examples is Adolf Hitler who had the ambition to conquered Europe. Due to his ideology, there were more than 10 million people died during World War 2. And in another case, Japan had lost so many lives, due to its dictator leader King Akihito, whereas Nagasaki and Hiroshima had been bombed by the American. Based on these historical events, some people have a conclusion that men have the tendency to use military force in their leadership which would trigger conflicts. On the other hand, a group of people believe that conflict and confrontation are lower under women's leadership, therefore there should be more women leaders in the world. However, some people disagree with it, since there were some women leaders who also had shown their strength and power. For example, the former Prime Minister of England, Margaret Thatcher had triggered the Malvinas war between Argentine and England. Many experts think that gender would have less correlation with conflict or violence. They believe that personal ideology, ambition and character are the factors that affect leadership style. In conclusion, although history had shown that there were more wars and confrontations during male leaderships, some female leaders also showed their ambition and aggressiveness. I personally believe that the sex of leaders would not have significant effect on their leadership style, but it is their personality that affected their leadership style.
Based on the
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world
historical
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events
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was more violence and confrontation under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
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leadership
compare to the women's.
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Some
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people
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believe
that one of the solutions to
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world
peace would be by appointing more women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
. I
personally
disagree with the statement as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that gender does not affect to crime or
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conflicts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on the leader's personality.

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Many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more
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conflicts
and
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wars
under the
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leadership
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. History had shown that due to several male leaders'
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ambition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the bloodiest
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war
had happened. One of the examples is Adolf Hitler who had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
to conquered Europe. Due to his ideology, there were more than 10 million
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
during
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World
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War
2. And in another case, Japan had lost
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so
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many
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lives
, due to its dictator
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leader
King Akihito, whereas Nagasaki and Hiroshima had
been bombed
by the American. Based on these historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
have a conclusion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have the tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
military force in their
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leadership
which would trigger conflicts.

On the other hand
, a group of
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people
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believe
that
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conflict
and confrontation are lower under women's
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leadership
,
therefore
there should be more women
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leaders
in the
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world
.
However
,
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some
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people
disagree with it, since there were
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some
women
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leaders
who
also
had shown their strength and power.
For example
, the former Prime Minister of England, Margaret Thatcher had triggered the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Malvinas
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war
between Argentine and England.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that gender would have less correlation with
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conflict
or violence. They
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believe
that personal ideology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
and character are the factors that affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
style.

In conclusion
, although history had shown that there were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and confrontations during male
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leaderships
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
and aggressiveness. I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the sex of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
would not have significant effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
style,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is their personality that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
style.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay If we look back at history it is seen that violence and conflict were evident under male leadership than female leadership. Does this suggest that female leadership is a better option? Would it ensure the peace and better growth in the society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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