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If people want to contribute to the society, which of the following is the best way? 1. Riding bicycle or walking on foot2. Recycling the waste3. Buy local organic food v.1

If people want to contribute to the society, which of the following is the best way? 1. Riding bicycle or walking on foot2. Recycling the waste3. Buy local organic food v. 1
While modern technology has revolutionised the world significantly, some people argue that it is contributing to form a homogeneous world culture. I partly disagree with the above idea as modern technology allows us to interact with people from different cultural backgrounds and makes us realise and appreciate our own unique cultures. The modern technologies such as internet, television and mobile phones allow a wider connection and sharing of information among people all around the world. This may mean that many people follow the same trend and share interests, and people are more likely to be influenced by the dominant, most of the cases, western cultures. For example, a number of young Japanese people listen to western music, and follow a fashion trend that originates from western celebrities. If people overly admire foreign cultures and ignore their own traditions and cultures, it may be possible that the world becomes a single culture. Nonetheless, people are more aware of their own cultures, and appreciate the uniqueness. In fact, people travel to see different cultures, enjoy local cuisine, and learn foreign languages, and it is the modern technology that makes it easy to do these activities. While interacting with people from different countries, people actually realise the uniqueness of their own cultures. For instance, I have learnt a lot about my own country ever since I have lived outside of my country. This is because, people are interested in other cultures and I was asked many questions. I would have not been proud of my own country as much as I do now if I had not lived in overseas. In conclusion, although some people concern that modern technology leads to a single world culture, I believe that it assists in connecting people around the world and sharing different cultures while appreciating their own traditions.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
significantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is contributing to form a homogeneous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. I partly disagree with the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural backgrounds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
and appreciate our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique cultures.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as internet, television and mobile phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a wider connection and sharing of information among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This may mean that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the same trend and share interests, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to
be influenced
by the dominant, most of the cases, western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For example
, a number of young Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to western music, and follow a fashion trend that originates from western celebrities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overly
admire foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, it may be possible that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
becomes a single culture.

Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more aware of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, and appreciate the uniqueness. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, enjoy local cuisine, and learn foreign languages, and it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy to do these activities. While interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the uniqueness of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For instance
, I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
a lot about my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
ever since I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cultures and
I
was asked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions. I would have not been proud of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as much as I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
if I had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in overseas.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concern that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
leads to a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, I believe that it assists in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
while appreciating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay If people want to contribute to the society, which of the following is the best way? 1. Riding bicycle or walking on foot2. Recycling the waste3. Buy local organic food v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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