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If a five years old commits a crime. Should his /her parents accept responsibility and how should they be punished. What is a age of child when parents no longer have responsibility of a children's behavior. v.1

If a five years old commits a crime. Should his /her parents accept responsibility and how should they be punished. What is a age of child when parents no longer have responsibility of a children's behavior. v. 1
Some people think that accepting the worse situations like money shortage and imbalanced job is good. However, many other people believe that it is better to use those bad situations as your opportunity and encouragement to move further in life. Although, ups and downs are part of our life and it is good to accept the failure, I strongly believe that one should not stop moving further and take this failure as an opportunity to improve yourself. Some people believe in fate this much, that they feel it is good to accept failing in exams, loss of job, etc. , in life. They think that everything is destined by a god. As a result, they not even try or improve their situations. For instance, one of my friends got failed from 10 grade, after which he didn't even try to improve his situation and consequently he left his studies. The main reason of not trying again was that he thinks that it is destined that he is not able to do studies. In my opinion, the failure must be accepted as a golden opportunity to make the significant change in life. For instance, many scientists such as Einstein, Armstrong, etc. . , and entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs has undergone through major failures at some stage in their lives. However, they accepted their failure as an opportunity to move further and explore more their failure situations. In addition, they not only conquered their fate, but also made history in the world with their unbelievable work. In conclusion, the only person who makes the destiny is the person himself. Everything will get destined in the way you do the hard work. Although, accepting failures is good, making failure as a destiny will destroy one's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that accepting the worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
like money shortage and imbalanced job is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
as your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and encouragement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
further
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although, ups and downs are part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
, I
strongly
believe that one should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
moving
further
and take this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
yourself.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in fate this much, that they feel it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to accept failing in exams, loss of job, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everything
is destined
by a god.
As a result
, they not even try or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
For instance
, one of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
failed from 10 grade, after which he didn't even try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and
consequently
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his studies. The main reason of not trying again was that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it
is destined
that he is not able to do studies.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists such as Einstein, Armstrong, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
and entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs has undergone through major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stage in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
further
and explore more their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
In addition
, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
conquered their fate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
made history in the world with their unbelievable work.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the destiny is the person himself. Everything will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
destined in the way you do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. Although, accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
as a destiny will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay If a five years old commits a crime. Should his /her parents accept responsibility and how should they be punished. What is a age of child when parents no longer have responsibility of a children's behavior. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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