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IELTS Writing Task 1: tableThe tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Table v.1

IELTS Writing Task 1: tableThe tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Table v. 1
Some people believe that to relish more success and secured life, it is always a better option to choose science and technical streams, and many people feel it is passionate to get indulge in an art career. I strongly feel that if we are doing anything with full focus and passion, we can achieve our goal which not only provide us financial security but also lots of happiness and satisfaction. Firstly, in the today's world, people are highly educated, they never judge anyone on the basis of one factor either intelligence or great sense of humour. People love to have the complete package, they give equal importance to the health and to the entertainment as well. If a doctor is not very smart to prescribe well or experienced, people will not approach on the basis that he or she is having a degree. They need to face the deficiency of money, similarly, if a person is not having great skills to impress others with their voice or their art, nobody going to approach them for their entertainment. People will pay only to them who will serve them efficiently. Secondly, every field needs more time, effort and money. It is not easy to become a doctor or a musician. The person who will work more on their skills and actions, will ultimately become more efficient. For example, if a doctor is not practicing after getting his degree, he will get obsolete very soon as his skills are not well polished. In this modern world, many musicians are more in demand than doctor or technical experts, because of their soothe voice and they are getting paid well. Moreover, people feel if doctor is crucial for their physical wellness, they need musician to relax their mind and get entertained, which is highly important in this rush life. In conclusion, people are in need of everything not only technology or entertainment. They will pay who will serve well for them either for their physical needs or mental needs. Therefore, we cannot say people who are educated will get more pay. They need to be great in their own field to get valuable paid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that to relish more success and secured life, it is always a better option to choose science and technical streams, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel it is passionate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulge in an art career. I
strongly
feel that if we are doing anything with full focus and passion, we can achieve our goal which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide us financial security
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lots of happiness and satisfaction.

Firstly
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
educated, they never judge anyone on the basis of one factor either intelligence or great sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to have the complete package, they give equal importance to the health and to the entertainment as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart to prescribe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
or experienced,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not approach on the basis that he or she is having a degree. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to face the deficiency of money,
similarly
, if a person is not having great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to impress others with their voice or their art, nobody going to approach them for their entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will serve them
efficiently
.

Secondly
, every field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more time, effort and money. It is not easy to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
or a musician. The person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will work more on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and actions, will
ultimately
become more efficient.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
is not practicing after getting his degree, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obsolete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
polished. In this modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
musicians are more in demand than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
or technical experts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their soothe
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
voice and
they are getting paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
is crucial for their physical wellness, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
musician to relax their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained, which is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this rush life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of everything not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
technology or entertainment. They will pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
for them either for their physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
or mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Therefore
, we cannot say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are educated
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more pay. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be great in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
valuable paid.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay IELTS Writing Task 1: tableThe tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. Table v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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