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Human society has made great technological progress in the last hundred years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Human society has made great technological progress in the last hundred years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. v. 1
Most people will agree that the improvement of people’s living standard owes to technological advancement. However, there are some people who argue that this development has also brought about unwanted problems that affect human life negatively. I partially agree with this opinion because the positive effects of technological development far outweigh its drawbacks. It is true that there are a couple of problems generated from hi-tech. First of all, smart devices make people lazy because such machines limit a user’s physical activities. Since those devices process works for owners and thus users rely too much on those, people are less likely to get up and move around, which could cause health concerns such as obese or diabetes. In addition, automation systems and robots have replaced work forces. Since machines are much productive than people when it comes to processing simple and repetitive works, labour forces in many industries have been replaced with them, leaving huge increase in unemployment rates. Nevertheless, there is no doubt that technological progress has amazingly enhanced the quality of human life. First of all, electronic household devices have enabled individuals to save their hefty amount of time and effort on doing hard and tedious household tasks, as such intelligent devices clean the houses, wash dishes and wash clothes for owners. In addition, smart machines have significantly enhanced the productivity in work places as well as enable people to carry out dangerous but helpful for human progress tasks such as space exploration. Working in the harsh environment could pose a threat to a worker’s life but robots allow people to achieve those tasks without any casualties. In conclusion, although peripheral effects are fabricated from the advancement of technology, it has brought about more advantages on human life
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standard owes to technological advancement.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that this development has
also
brought about unwanted problems that affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
negatively
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of technological development far outweigh its drawbacks.

It is true that there are a couple of problems generated from hi-tech.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such machines limit a user’s physical activities. Since those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
process works for owners and
thus
users rely too much on those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around, which could cause health concerns such as obese or diabetes.
In addition
, automation systems and robots have replaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
forces. Since machines are much
Use "(productive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
productive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to processing simple and repetitive works,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
forces in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries have
been replaced
with them, leaving huge increase in unemployment rates.

Nevertheless
, there is no doubt that technological progress has
amazingly
enhanced the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, electronic household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have enabled individuals to save their hefty amount of time and effort on doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and tedious household tasks, as such intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
clean the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, wash dishes and wash clothes for owners.
In addition
, smart machines have
significantly
enhanced the productivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places
as well
as enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to carry out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
progress tasks such as space exploration. Working in the harsh environment could pose a threat to a worker’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
robots
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve those tasks without any casualties.

In conclusion
, although peripheral effects
are fabricated
from the advancement of technology, it has brought about more advantages on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Human society has made great technological progress in the last hundred years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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