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How do you think children should spend their free time? v.1

How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1
Children's leisure activities are considered to serve a prominent role in their physical and mental growth. In the meanwhile, the huge number of hobbies and leisure-time activities mainly offered by technology can pose a real challenge for those parents who want their children to spend their time constructively. First and possibly foremost, part of children's free time should be spent on activities in peer groups, those simple games that are sometimes handed down from generation to generation. Participation in games can help children to acquire and apply a wide range of social skills, the ones they would never learn otherwise. These so-called childish games can teach them how to start and develop a relationship, defend their rights and compromise with other members of society. More importantly, they can teach children the basic principles of teamwork, and the necessity to collaborate with others to achieve a common goal. Those children who are deprived of interaction with their peers in games, possibly as a result of too much concentration on electronic entertainment, may face serious problems in their social relationships in the future. In fact, games are believed to be an indispensable part of children's socialization. Although modern schools try to include a range of extracurricular activities in their curriculum, it seems that children need to receive more education in arts, music and sports outside school. In fact, arts and music play a critical role in enhancing children's problem-solving and creativity, both of which are of significance in their future. Sports, on the other hand, teach children how to collaborate in a team and define their own success as the success of the whole group. It is because of these considerable benefits that successful growth of a child necessitates developing certain abilities apart from what they learn at school. So, participation in extracurricular classes in arts, sports, foreign languages and information technology should constitute a considerable proportion of children's free time, because such activities equip children with the qualifications that every single person is expected to have in the twenty-first century. Last but not least, children need to spend part of their free time with their parents. Being involved in social activities, parents sometimes neglect the importance and necessity of spending quality time with their offspring, under the impression that they are doing their best to send their children to the most prestigious schools, enrol them in more classes and meet all their demands immediately. This attitude has proved to be wrong, as psychologists do highlight the role of parents in children's socialization. In fact, parents are the most important agents of socialization, as they greatly help their children to identify themselves, learn social norms and become acquainted with their cultural heritage. A competent parent, then, is a father or mother who devotes their time to children, no matter how busy they appear to be. To sum up, I tend to think that children's free time should be allocated to peer activities, extracurricular programs and interaction with family members. All items being equality important, ignoring any of these factors can pose a threat to children's balanced growth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children's
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are considered
to serve a prominent role in their physical and mental growth. In the meanwhile, the huge number of hobbies and leisure-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
mainly
offered by technology can pose a real challenge for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constructively
.

First
and
possibly
foremost, part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in peer groups, those simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
handed down from generation to generation. Participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to acquire and apply a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the ones they would never learn
otherwise
. These
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called childish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can teach them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and develop a relationship, defend their rights and compromise with other members of society. More
importantly
, they can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the basic principles of teamwork, and the necessity to collaborate with others to achieve a common goal. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are deprived
of interaction with their peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
possibly
as a result
of too much concentration on electronic entertainment, may face serious problems in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationships in the future. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are believed
to be an indispensable part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
socialization.

Although modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
try to include a range of extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their curriculum, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to receive more education in arts, music and sports outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In fact, arts and music play a critical role in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
problem-solving and creativity, both of which are of significance in their future. Sports,
on the other hand
, teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to collaborate in a team and define their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
success as the success of the whole group. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these considerable benefits that successful growth of a child necessitates developing certain abilities apart from what they learn at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, participation in extracurricular classes in arts, sports, foreign languages and information technology should constitute a considerable proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the qualifications that every single person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have in the twenty-
first
century.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to spend part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
neglect the importance and necessity of spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their offspring, under the impression that they are doing their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the most prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, enrol them in more classes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all their demands immediately. This attitude has proved to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, as psychologists do highlight the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
socialization. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
agents of socialization, as they
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to identify themselves, learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norms and become acquainted with their cultural heritage. A competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, then, is a father or mother who devotes their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, no matter how busy they appear to be.

To sum up, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be allocated
to peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, extracurricular programs and interaction with family members. All items being equality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, ignoring any of these factors can pose a threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
balanced growth.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay How do you think children should spend their free time? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
515 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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