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Home schooling is getting a lot importance over traditional learning environment provided by schools. What is your opinion on the subject? v.1

Home schooling is getting a lot importance over traditional learning environment provided by schools. What is your opinion on the subject? v. 1
Nowadays, most of the countries are showing interest on home schooling in the world. Here we can discuss about the reasons one is parents are getting busy with their work and second thing is many education systems learn digital studies for business purpose. Firstly, In this ideal life every parent more busy due to their office task. The number of families do not interest to combine family. So there is no option to take care children when they are doing endeavor more after they spend time with kids to do the home work as well as their regular activities. Those parents are showing more interest in home academy because they may watch with kids how the teacher is explaining subjects and which method they are using and all. Advantages of home institute they do not go to institute by walk or any vehicle. The disadvantage is also much more like kids missed their recess and physical activities then loss their body fitness that is very important for growing children it will be improve their thinking power and mind maturity. Secondly, some education societies follow digital technology in fewer countries than they develop their business because parents looking this type education system. So they think their child got knowledge on computer. Faculties not follow the traditional leanings may they will include some traditional learning system with digital technology it will be more useful to children. In Conclusion, Home school improvement is not a correct way in my opinion. Traditional learning improvement is good for kids with little bit changes due to technology is growing up so fast then it will be used to kids.
Nowadays, most of the countries are showing interest on
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
in the world. Here we can
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
reasons one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are getting busy with their work and second thing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
education systems learn digital studies for business purpose.

Firstly
, In this ideal life every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
more busy due to their office task. The number of families
Did you mean "does"?
do
not interest to combine family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no option to take care children when they are doing endeavor more after they spend time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to do the home work
as well
as their regular activities. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are showing more interest in home academy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
how the teacher is explaining subjects and which method they are using and all. Advantages of home institute they do not go to institute by walk or any vehicle. The disadvantage is
also
much more like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
missed their recess and physical activities
Did you mean "than"?
then
loss their body fitness
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for growing children it will be
Consider using the past participle "improved"?
improve
their thinking power and mind maturity.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
education societies follow digital technology in fewer countries than they develop their business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
looking this type education system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
knowledge on computer. Faculties not follow the traditional leanings may they will include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional learning system with digital technology it will be more useful to children.

In Conclusion
, Home school improvement is not a correct way in my opinion. Traditional learning improvement is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
due to technology is growing up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
then it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Home schooling is getting a lot importance over traditional learning environment provided by schools. What is your opinion on the subject? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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