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Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. v. 1
In the contemporary society, the debate of whether job satisfaction or having a stable position for a job has greater importance is always a controversial topic. Whilst some people disagree with the opinion of having a permanent job, I myself believe that both of those two elements must be considered as equally important for a person's career choice. On the one hand, people hold a belief that personal self-satisfaction on career targets is most beneficial for either staffs or their bosses/directors. First and foremost, contentedness in jobs leads to higher productivity and products with higher quality since whenever someone is happy with what they are doing they will consequently concentrate pay more attention to the tasks they are assigned. Furthermore, in the case of some successful elite employees, their objectives are not only making huge profit and getting higher salary but making breakthroughs for the company such as Mark Zuckerberg- the founder of the most renowned social networking site which is Facebook. The feeling of making a change is the most influenced motivation which make a majority of people still advance their occupations. On the other hand, I am in favor of the idea that job satisfaction alone wouldn't be sufficient for workers for some following justifications. It is undoubted that job security gives employees the sense of being motivated. In the modern era where the job market keeps volatile, a must-have condition making workers to continue their work is they need to be assured that they won't have to face any risks of being fired. For example, jobless workers can not have enough financial ability to afford high-rising expenses. Another compelling reason is that job instability will have negative impacts on a whole country's economy as insecurity of jobs leads to lack of labour force. As a result, the economic growth itself suffers most from job insecurity. To conclude, while there are arguments about job satisfaction is more important at workplace, it seems to me that both workers and employers should regard these two criterias at the same level of importance.
In the contemporary society, the debate of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction or having a stable position for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has greater importance is always a controversial topic. Whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree with the opinion of having a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I myself believe that both of those two elements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
as
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a person's career choice.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold a belief that personal self-satisfaction on career targets is most beneficial for either staffs or their bosses/directors.
First
and foremost, contentedness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
leads to higher productivity and products with higher quality since whenever someone is happy with what they are doing they will
consequently
concentrate pay more attention to the tasks they
are assigned
.
Furthermore
, in the case of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
successful elite employees, their objectives are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
making huge profit and getting higher salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
making breakthroughs for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
such as Mark Zuckerberg- the founder of the most renowned social networking site which is Facebook. The feeling of making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the most influenced motivation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
advance their occupations.

On the other hand
, I am in favor of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction alone wouldn't be sufficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
following justifications. It
is undoubted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security gives employees the sense of
being motivated
. In the modern era where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
volatile, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
-have condition making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to continue their work is they need to
be assured
that they won't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
being fired
.
For example
, jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial ability to afford high-rising expenses. Another compelling reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
instability will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on a whole country's economy as insecurity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
leads to lack of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force.
As a result
, the economic growth itself suffers most from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
insecurity.

To conclude
, while there are arguments about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
at workplace, it seems to me that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and employers should regard these two
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "criteria", the plural form of the noun 'criteria'?
criterias at
the same level of importance.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe a permanent job is more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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