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Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in the modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in the modern society. with this statement? v. 1
While most of the citizen support to have public gardens, some people think that using such places for other purposes would be more beneficial. In my opinion, public areas should remain to maintain a happy generation. Having a park in the area makes life more pleasant. This is because, it provides a space for the inhabitants to do a set of life-oriented activities, such as exercising, socializing and playing. Usually, these gardens are very enchanting and open for all. Therefore, adults & senior citizens often visit such places for jogging and spending quality time with others. Besides, existing a park in the area allows the children to enjoy their free time by playing. Thus, the existence of a park not only facilitates good health but also amusement to the residents. For instance, a recent survey conducted by WHO reveals that the percentage of falling ill is lower in those people who live near to a park and frequently visit there. On the other hand, using these common areas for other purposes would be conducive to accommodate significant needs. With the growth of people, certain demands are also increased; these are accommodation, education, and occupation. Hence, building residences, educational institutions & factories in the land of these general areas will solve shelter issues, provide learning and generate employment for the growing numbers of people. However, all these activities are possible to execute by proper landscaping with keeping these free spaces. For example, many developed nations have decentralized industries so that the cities do not get overcrowded and have all the necessary biological complex that is needed to live a cheerful life. In conclusion, although the recreational area is necessary to ensure an enjoyable living, some people suggest using such areas for employing other demands. Nevertheless, some public places must be present in the community to increase living standards.
While most of the citizen support to have public gardens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that using such places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes would be more beneficial. In my opinion, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
should remain to maintain a happy generation.

Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life more pleasant. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it provides a space for the inhabitants to do a set of life-oriented activities, such as exercising, socializing and playing.
Usually
, these gardens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enchanting and open for all.
Therefore
, adults & senior citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
visit such places for jogging and spending quality time with others.
Besides
, existing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the children to enjoy their free time by playing.
Thus
, the existence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
facilitates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
amusement to the residents.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by WHO reveals that the percentage of falling ill is lower in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and
frequently
visit there.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, using these common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes would be conducive to accommodate significant needs. With the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, certain demands are
also
increased; these are accommodation, education, and occupation.
Hence
, building residences, educational institutions & factories in the land of these general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will solve shelter issues, provide learning and generate employment for the growing numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, all these activities are possible to execute by proper landscaping with keeping these free spaces.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed nations have decentralized industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the cities do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overcrowded and have all the necessary biological complex that
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a cheerful life.

In conclusion
, although the recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is necessary to ensure an enjoyable living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
for employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
demands.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be present in the community to increase living standards.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in the modern society. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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