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Holding international games such as the olympic games is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effects while others argue it is a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Holding international games such as the olympic games is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effects while others argue it is a waste of money. v. 1
It is beyond any doubt that hosting multinational sports, such as the Olympic, bring lots of enthusiasm for the organising country. While some individuals consider that organisation of such events has advantages associated with it, others claim that it is a mere wastage of money. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I personally go with the former view. To commence with, the advocates opine that it will bring benefits to the host nation. Because when some tournaments are organised at the global level, tremendous participants from all over the world gather at a single place and mingle with each other which gives them ample opportunities to exchange their culture, and also they learn to co-operate. For instance, in the Olympic games which are held after every four years innumerable sports-persons take part in different sports activities, which continue for months. Thus international sports are an excellent way of spreading culture to various parts of the globe, and hence these should be held to promote the feeling of fraternity and integrity among the nations. On the other hand, the opponents argue that it would waste an exorbitant amount of the money. Since infrastructure of the holding country has to be improved in order to welcome the participants, and furthermore, it represents the image of the hosting country, therefore it becomes quite essential to invest wealth in the improvement of the facilities. For example, when Commonwealth games are hosted by India, large number of roads and bridges were built to please the tourists. To elucidate, although I certainly agree that costs involve in the establishment of a good reputation is extremely huge, it will be overall beneficial. To conclude, despite having different opinions on the issue of holding global games. Some people think that it would result in positive outcomes, whereas others strongly oppose this and regard it as a waste. I think that an investment of lump some money is nothing in front of a worldwide reputation.
It is beyond any doubt that hosting multinational sports, such as the Olympic, bring lots of enthusiasm for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
country. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
has advantages associated with it, others claim that it is a mere wastage of money. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the former view.

To commence with, the advocates opine that it will bring benefits to the host nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tournaments are
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
at the global level, tremendous participants from all over the world gather at a single place and mingle with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
which gives them ample opportunities to exchange their culture, and
also
they learn to co-operate.
For instance
, in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
which
are held
after every four years innumerable sports-persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports activities, which continue for months.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
international sports are an excellent way of spreading culture to various parts of the globe, and
hence
these should
be held
to promote the feeling of fraternity and integrity among the nations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the opponents argue that it would waste an exorbitant amount of the money. Since infrastructure of the holding country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in order to welcome the participants, and
furthermore
, it represents the image of the hosting country,
therefore
it becomes quite essential to invest wealth in the improvement of the facilities.
For example
, when Commonwealth games
are hosted
by India, large number of roads and bridges
were built
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
the tourists. To elucidate, although I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that costs involve in the establishment of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation is
extremely
huge, it will be
overall
beneficial.

To conclude
, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on the issue of holding global games.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes, whereas others
strongly
oppose this and regard it as a waste. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an investment of lump
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money is nothing in front of a worldwide reputation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Holding international games such as the olympic games is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effects while others argue it is a waste of money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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