Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.25

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 25
In many nations around the world, young people represent a large proportion of the population relative to elderly people. This essay will argue that the benefits of a youthful population offset the drawbacks entailed by this state of affairs, as a country with a greater number of young people is better able to grow its economy and care for its elderly citizens. One commonly cited disadvantages of a young population is that it places a greater strain on public services. This is because large numbers of young people require more facilities to be built to accommodate them. For example, the government may need to invest more in the school system, which requires additional public spending. Despite this, there are a number of significant benefits to having a youthful population. First of all, having more young people creates a bigger market for goods and services. This helps to boost the country’s economy because, as young people get older, they purchase essential consumer items such as houses, furniture, and electrical goods. Furthermore, a large youthful demographic also has social benefits, as young people are able to provide care and support to their elderly parents and relatives. In contrast, countries such as Japan face challenges in looking after their ageing population. In conclusion, although there are drawbacks to having a youthful population, it is clear that young people can make a significant contribution to their country by developing the economy and providing support to older generations. On the balance, I would argue that having a large number of young people is beneficial to any country.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
represent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
relative to elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will argue that the benefits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
offset the drawbacks entailed by this state of affairs, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is better able to grow its economy and care for its elderly citizens.

One
commonly
cited disadvantages of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is that it places a greater strain on public services. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require more facilities to
be built
to accommodate them.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may need to invest more in the school system, which requires additional public spending.

Despite this, there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of significant benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
creates
a bigger market for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
essential consumer items such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, furniture, and electrical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
demographic
also
has social benefits, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to provide care and support to their elderly parents and relatives.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Japan face challenges in looking after their
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population.

In conclusion
, although there are drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by developing the economy and providing support to older generations. On the balance, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is beneficial to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 25

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts