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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. v.223

High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. v. 223
New vehicle owners are becoming increasingly popular in the third world nations. The major problem caused by this phenomenon is traffic congestion and the most viable solution is the public awareness campaign. The increase in the number of cars has brought about sluggishness or stand still on our roads. That is to say that too many vehicles on the road has resulted in a lot of men and women spending some number of hours before they could get to work. Consequently, this has led to plenty of people getting to work and they are served with queries from their bosses. It has also squandered precious time, resources, which is supposed to increase productivity in the under-developed countries. For example, the University of Cambridge, carried out a research and it was discovered that 45% of the productive hours in Nigeria is wasted on the roads due to plenty of private vehicle owners. A long term solution to this problem is the public awareness campaign, which will help ease the traffic delays on the roads. This will educate people whenever they might be through the radio and TV, so as to know the danger involved in acquiring more private cars. Teaching children about the problems associated with this in school will also help disseminate the information to their parents so that everybody will be well informed. For instance, the University of Stanford recorded in 1925 that most States in the US were advised to utilise the alternative means of transportation because of traffic congestion and its associated problems. In conclusion, purchasing of new vehicles by the citizens of poorer nations will lead to slow transportation and the most effective solution is teaching the masses about the issues it might bring.
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
owners are becoming
increasingly
popular in the third world nations. The major problem caused by this phenomenon is traffic congestion and the most viable solution is the public awareness campaign.

The increase in the number of cars has brought about sluggishness or stand
still
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
That is
to say that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
number of hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to work.
Consequently
, this has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
are served
with queries from their bosses. It has
also
squandered precious time, resources, which
is supposed
to increase productivity in the under-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
For example
, the University of Cambridge, carried out a research and it
was discovered
that 45% of the productive hours in Nigeria
is wasted
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
owners.

A long term solution to this problem is the public awareness campaign, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the traffic delays on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. This will educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whenever they might be through the radio and TV,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
involved in acquiring more private cars. Teaching children about the problems associated with this in school will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
disseminate the information to their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everybody will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
.
For instance
, the University of Stanford recorded in 1925 that most States in the US
were advised
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the alternative means of transportation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of traffic congestion and its associated problems.

In conclusion
, purchasing of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
by the citizens of poorer nations will lead to slow transportation and the most effective solution is teaching the masses about the issues it might bring.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. v. 223

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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