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High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.1

High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v. 1
Living a healthy lifestyle has become an increasingly important topic as what researchers know about nutrition has evolved. In my opinion, despite some obvious hurdles it is easier than ever for people to be healthy and fit modernized. First of all, The main hurdles related to fitness today revolve around technology and few decades ago people led much more active life that involved more exercising and comparatively less time in front of screens. Secondly The advent of computer technology generally and the smartphone in particular has precipitated more passive lifestyles globally. Smartphones are the chief culprit. People become easily addicted to the small dopamine rushes that phones provide and their availability means they are tailor-made to be everyone’s worst habit. This prevents many people from developing healthy exercise patterns and, in cases where people binge watch shows on Netflix or YouTube, can also cause over-eating. Despite the above mentioned challenges, it is easy to be healthy today because of the amount of information on nutrition available. In addition, Doctors a hundred years ago recommended smoking cigarettes and the many sources of heart disease were only documented decades ago. On the other hand Today everywhere you look there are articles and people on television laying out hard evidence related to nourishment as well as the importance of eating vegetables and limiting meats and fatty foods. Finally There is healthy debate and the consensus on specific foods might fluctuate, but the Fral trend is greater awareness of which foods are healthy and which ones will shorten your life and undermine your fitness goals. In conclusion, although there are good excuses present-day to be unfit, people can learn enough about nutrition to lead a healthy life with a degree of ease. Schools should make greater efforts in the future to teach students about nourishment and set them up with the knowledge they need to combat passivity.
Living a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle has become an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic as what researchers know about nutrition has evolved. In my opinion, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious hurdles it is easier than ever for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and fit modernized.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, The main hurdles related to fitness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
revolve around technology and few decades ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
led much more active life that involved more exercising and
comparatively
less time in front of screens.
Secondly
The advent of computer technology
generally
and the smartphone
in particular
has precipitated more passive lifestyles globally. Smartphones are the chief culprit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
become
easily
addicted to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
dopamine rushes that phones provide and their availability means they are tailor-made to be everyone’s worst habit. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
exercise patterns and, in cases where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
binge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on Netflix or YouTube, can
also
cause over-eating.

Despite the above mentioned challenges, it is easy to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the amount of information on nutrition available.
In addition
, Doctors a hundred years ago recommended smoking cigarettes and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources of heart disease were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
documented decades ago.
On the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
everywhere you look there are articles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on television laying out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
evidence related to nourishment
as well
as the importance of eating vegetables and limiting meats and fatty foods.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
There is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
debate and the consensus on specific foods might fluctuate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fral
trend is greater awareness of which foods are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and which ones will shorten your life and undermine your fitness goals.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
excuses present-day to be unfit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about nutrition to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life with a degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. Schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
greater efforts in the future to teach students about nourishment and set them up with the knowledge they need to combat passivity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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