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Government should spend money on adult people who cannot read and write rather than young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Government should spend money on adult people who cannot read and write rather than young people. 2
It is sometimes argued that government donate lack of money for older people. However, there are those who believe that national organization must give their cash for students. In my opinion, ministry might invest their capital to young people, also they can put in their bank to adult people. Firstly, this essay will discuss the possible effects from donating money to old people, and secondly, it will analyze potential aftermath of giving cash to student’s life. On the one hand, opponents of adult people believe that in future they cannot bring possible benefits. The reason for this is that pensioners will lose their positive qualities, like reading, writing, but they will bring their brilliant experience. As a result, politics might waste their cash, which they can donate for needed organizations. However, this argument is flawed mainly because of adult’s age, and their irresponsibility to develop themselves. A prime example is China, where authority spend lack of their bank for adult people while they have a productive country with good skills of people in the long run. On the other hand, proponents of successful future base their opinion of the assumption that state must invest their cash to young people and I agree that students will improve their skills and bring more benefits. This is because of their age and developing their skills in other aspects of life. As a consequence, they will open new discoveries, and they will look for possible solutions of the planet’s problems. For example, according to recent research of Harvard university, they found that actually, 16 to 21 teenagers brings into the world more discoveries than others. In conclusion, though people may vary in their opinions, I am firmly convinced that authority must spend their lack of cash for the future exactly for young people. This is due to the fact that teenagers may make impact in our life by their true actions.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
donate lack of money for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, there are those who believe that national organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
for students. In my opinion, ministry might invest their capital to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
also
they can put in their bank to adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the possible effects from donating money to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
secondly
, it will analyze potential aftermath of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
to student’s life.

On the one hand, opponents of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that in future they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
possible benefits.
The reason for this is
that pensioners will lose their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities, like reading, writing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
their brilliant experience.
As a result
, politics might waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
, which they can donate for needed organizations.
However
, this argument
is flawed
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of adult’s age, and their irresponsibility to develop themselves. A prime example is China, where authority spend lack of their bank for adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while they have a productive country with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the long run.

On the other hand
, proponents of successful future base their opinion of the assumption that state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that students will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
more benefits. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their age and developing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in other aspects of life. As a consequence, they will open new discoveries, and they will look for possible solutions of the planet’s problems.
For example
, according to recent research of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
, they found that actually, 16 to 21
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
into the world more discoveries than others.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I am
firmly
convinced that authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend their lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
for the future exactly for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This is due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impact in our life by their true actions.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money on adult people who cannot read and write rather than young people. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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