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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? v.28

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? v. 28
Over the last few years, technology has been growing incredibly fast and introducing significant changes in the world. The advancement in technology has brought changes in the way people interact with each other and the relationships they make. While there are many benefits on one side, there are also drawbacks on the other side, which we need to consider. Hence, I believe, the technology has brought both positive and negative developments. Firstly, we will consider the advantages of technology in the current world. The most undeniable truth is, the technology has helped us in building stronger relationship in all circles such as Business, family and friends. For instance, people widely use telephones to communicate with each other for both personal and official work. There are different ways where people from various countries interact with one another using Skype, Webex, Facetime which builds rigid relationships. In addition to that, the technology has also benefited us in various aspects of our day to day living. To illustrate, all money transfers can be committed in a fraction of second with mobile banking, ticket bookings can be done at our desk, people who are miles apart can be connected over social media networks like Facebook, Instagram and the relationships with them could be maintained. Therefore, it has a lot of favours. On the other hand, we are here to discuss the pitfalls of technology. Even though, it has positive developments, this has created a roadblock between the relationships and also has deteriorated the bonding among various relations. For example, the children these days are preferring not to spend leisure time with their parents, instead with mobile phones and games. Furthermore, the advancement has demolished the conventional method of communication and tolerance levels of humans. This is because, years ago, we relied on letters and telegrams for the communication purposes and people waits for the response for many days, but now, it has become simple. With the recent application development, anyone could be contacted anytime with ease and as a result, patience level is decremented. Due to this, people are making hasty decisions and are not able to make trustworthy relationship. These ‘virtual’ relationships are a poor substitute for real friendships. In conclusion, technology has given innumerable advantages and made communication easier equally with a negative outcome. In my opinion, technology has to be used efficiently.
Over the last few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been growing
incredibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and introducing significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the world. The advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits on one side, there are
also
drawbacks on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, which we need to consider.
Hence
, I believe, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
developments.

Firstly
, we will consider the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world. The most undeniable truth is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us in building stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
in all circles such as Business, family and friends.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
telephones to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for both personal and official work. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various countries interact with one another using Skype,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Webex
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Facetime
which builds rigid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
In addition
to that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
also
benefited us in various aspects of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
living. To illustrate, all money transfers can
be committed
in a fraction of second with mobile banking, ticket bookings can
be done
at our desk,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are miles apart can
be connected
over social media networks like Facebook, Instagram and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with them could
be maintained
.
Therefore
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, we are here to discuss the pitfalls of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Even though
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments, this has created a roadblock between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
and
also
has deteriorated the bonding among various relations.
For example
, the children these days
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
not to spend leisure time with their parents,
instead
with mobile phones and games.
Furthermore
, the advancement has demolished the conventional method of communication and tolerance levels of humans. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, years ago, we relied on letters and telegrams for the communication purposes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
waits
for the response for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it has become simple. With the recent application development, anyone could
be contacted
anytime with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and
as a result
, patience level
is decremented
. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are making hasty decisions and are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
trustworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. These ‘virtual’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
are a poor substitute for real friendships.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
innumerable advantages and made communication easier
equally
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
efficiently
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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