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he graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.1

he graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 1
It is believed that the educational fees must be paid by students in order to get standard resources in the institution that are required for learning instead of providing free education and helping the community. Such an argument will only have detrimental effects on humanity, for this reason, one should give importance to the growth of society as a whole. Hence, this essay will discuss reasons to support the disagreement of the given statement. Firstly, accessible education is key to stop the vicious cycle of poverty. The most grappling issues in society today, is economic divide. Education is the only way to eradicate the gap between rich and poor, for knowledge brings opportunities to earn. For example, Kerala is a state in India with 99% of literacy rate, and it is also known for having a strong financial stability with high per capita income, therefore, it clearly proves that education has major impact on economic development. Secondly, with the right guidance from educational organizations, the potentials of individuals will be nurtured. Given the fact that not everyone has capacity to afford quality education, yet with the support of the government, it is possible to make education available for all. With such provision those who thrive for betterment of society will be well equipped with knowledge. For instance, Dr James Rose, she had an uncertain background during her childhood, but with her determination to make the world a better place and support from institutional scholarships, she became a gynaecologist. Today, she works for underprivileged families, and remains as a social worker. In conclusion, Institutional fees will become a cause of poor economic development and human growth, this issue will hinder the individual’s progress, so eliminating the heavy educational charges, is the best way of building a strong society with skilled humans and stable finances.
It
is believed
that the educational fees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
by students in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
standard resources in the institution that
are required
for learning
instead
of providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and helping the community. Such an argument will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have detrimental effects on humanity,
for this reason
, one should give importance to the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole.
Hence
, this essay will discuss reasons to support the disagreement of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

Firstly
, accessible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is key to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the vicious cycle of poverty. The most grappling issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, is economic divide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to eradicate the gap between rich and poor, for knowledge brings opportunities to earn.
For example
, Kerala is a state in India with 99% of literacy rate, and it is
also
known for having a strong financial stability with high per capita income,
therefore
, it
clearly
proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has major impact on economic development.

Secondly
, with the right guidance from educational organizations, the potentials of individuals will
be nurtured
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the fact that not everyone has capacity to afford quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
yet
with the support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
available for all. With such provision those who thrive for betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
with knowledge.
For instance
, Dr James Rose, she had an uncertain background during her childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with her determination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place and support from institutional scholarships, she became a
Possible spelling mistake found.
gynaecologist
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, she works for underprivileged families, and remains as a social worker.

In conclusion
, Institutional fees will become a cause of poor economic development and human growth, this issue will hinder the individual’s progress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
eliminating the heavy educational charges, is the best way of building a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with skilled humans and stable finances.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay he graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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